tommy

leaving on a.. bus

2009-07-28T20:40:00.001+08:00

so.
i've commissioned! lol. thanks so much to those who came! =D you guys made it all the specialler. hahas
will take note that i need to do a proper post about it, and so many other things. (just like i've needed to make proper posts abt so many other things) - in the meantime check out jeslyn's blog for peekchures! xD

so hmn.. promises left unfufilled, things left undone, words left unsaid.

and still, im leaving for Malaysia.

my last escape before i pin life down real hard and not give it a chance to run away again i guess? ;) heh.

as always. tomu will miss you guys.
i'll cyah soon.
on livejournal. =)

2009-06-25T21:51:00.002+08:00

straight from Betty's blog =)

Just like the story of the footprints, Lord and I walking on the sands by the shore. Many a times I stopped; fascinated by the things that are thrown in front of me, But Lord keeps on walking. He turned a few times, looking back at me and asked me to go yet each time I'll say to God, wait a while more... ...I moved on, but God is far in front. Not wanting to run, I take my pace to walk, thinking that I still can see Lord, so "It's okay..." More and more things came and stop in front of me, but when I lifted up my head, Lord was gone from my sight. The waves wash away His footprints too. I became panic and keep walking forward aimlessly, crying and worried. I came to a stop. The vast of emptiness and fear engulf me. I stopped, sit on the sand and cry. God did not come back immediately nor a few days later. No. God did not. Just as when I was about to turn and walk back where I came from, God stood there, in front of me. I cried and wondered why He was not around all the while, only to realise he was always behind me just as i wanted to turn back.

God stands behind us, so that each time when we are about to give up and return to our old lifestyle, we can find Him there, supporting us, encouraging us on. God knows our pace, He will come back and return to us, supporting and helping us to move on from the back.

2009-06-21T19:30:00.001+08:00

sdfgdsghdhdjklibglsjGjdsknv;sKJNvis gsiu fsoifn sif iosu

a non.

2009-06-17T21:42:00.001+08:00

calendar girl

who is lost to the world

stay alive.

2009-06-15T20:19:00.000+08:00

they made us cut our hair.

emo. -.-

about forgetting

2009-06-14T21:00:00.002+08:00

awesome. lol.

the flew

2009-06-14T20:36:00.006+08:00

http://billysphoto.deviantart.com/art/Tired-59228363

what do you call a pig that took a plane yesterday?

swine flu. LOL WOHOO.

so.. yellow storm, firestorm and blowout check.

there goes week1 of hell. supposedly just 3 left. brrr...

DO for oil storage tank fire was hell on earth, probably the very thing that gave me this flu. but i guess that along with all the other unfaily tough suay shit i been kena-ing, i learnt plenty from it. STILL. doesnt mean i want to kena more please. -.- lol.

attended matt's commissioning yesterday and boy, do i so wanna pass out too. lol just a month or so more i know, but these few weeks are.. ugh. ugh.ugh.ugh.ugh.ugh. :(

2009-06-09T21:46:00.003+08:00

Ops high rise

Ops salvage

down.

heh. 9998 to go.

termtest3 tomorrow. metal+physical torture wohoo! just the way we like it. lol. hot and spicy. xD

today, i learnt the true meaning of currahee.

"we stand alone together"

and together is the way we're gonna commission

6 weeks till that,

3 1/2 more of hell weeks till parade rehersals.

2 weeks till juniors show

and 3 days till friday

one day one step at a time, each one closer and closer to the beginning of the end.

the countdown begins! xD

counting down

2009-06-08T22:41:00.002+08:00

Ops Emergency!'s down.

just another 10000 more exercises to go.

they say all good things come to an end. but how about the bad?

2009-06-07T16:01:00.016+08:00

Notte Sento (English subtitles) from napdan on Vimeo.

its been quitteeee sometime since i last touched my21grams, but i guess here i am now. drowing once again in my self-pity. lol. some things never change eh. sad thing i hardly ever feed this space with happyposts. nevertheless! dont you dare look at me with ur disapproving eyes! we all have our own mood swings. lol just so happens that its during these downtimes that i choose to write. *hmph!* lol

so ANW.. i was thinking. when your last thousand or so peekchures on your camera are ns-related,
you know you're losing it.
and that justttt so happens to be the case with yours sincerely. but fear not! apart from several loose screws and minor short circuits, tomu is still very much having a life. the same life you guys know it of as the one that's constantly falling apart. =S

.....

yes. after my long period of absence from my21grams i'm still very much me (surprise, surprise), except this time. i'm supposed to have grown in this thing ppl call "a man".

hmmn.

as in. not that i was a woman b4 like durh. but more of like. adult. YOU KNOWW... 21? twentyoneee. whahas and yes. i do know that it's just a progression of days, and you might think that i'm probably just as dumb as i was on april13th as compared to april12th.. and well. yeah. -.- you're right. LOL. -.- but (ofcourse there's a but) tomu has not just turned 21 for nothing mindyou! he's entered adulthood (siol) with a briefcase full of immature maturity for the world. xD here's a lil tip from the iceberg =S i mean.. heres smth from the tip of the iceberg. lol.

pictures. they sorta really do speak a alot of words (1000 is way too definite a number) things we've carried with us all this while. The burdens, the love, the hate, the lost, the found, the times we laughed and those where we cried, the good times and bad blahblah.
but yeah, everytime my finger goes down on the shutter and i take a picture, i tell myself that im capturing a moment.

-noun 1.an indefinitely short period of time; instant

moments that'll be gone at the very nxt split second. a blink of an eye they say. moments i capture to help me remember. memories tt'll bring back alllll bloody sorts of emotions. and as i look back at the pictures in my handphone from just the past year alone, i begin to realise how much can change in such a short time. how much i should be greatful for, how much more (or less) i should've done.

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand

how apt. but yes. i figure this on-off phase of feeling the world slip through ur fingers is just a lil part of the whole new world of the growing up process eh? we lose, we gain. just to lose again. is this really how life's supposed to be?
no. it isnt.
that's just me.

and i'm starting to believe that through my bouts of immense emo-ness, that there actually are lessons to be learnt. for me and you. we all make choices, life pretty much is just that, choices; to live or die, to take the bus or the cab, do be good or bad, the right or left, to love life or to hate it. and i guess what i've learnt (or am still learning) is that when it comes to life, the choices you make really do shape your world, who you become, who you hurt, and who you touch. so i'm hoping that as little of a difference this will make to you, that when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance.

Better at least than if only eh? no matter how old or young you may be, if someone asks you if friendships do last, tell them yes. and believe it.

the best choices may not be the easiest, but they're most worthwhile. hope at least that gives you smth to think abt. =)

story of my life

2009-05-23T02:43:00.003+08:00

i'm probably just glad that whatever it was, for however long it lasted,

that it started.

guardduty.

2009-05-12T22:18:00.003+08:00

http://drkshp.deviantart.com/art/Guitar-45897585

promise to self.

i will to learn how to play the guitar. and learn it well i will.

2009-04-26T20:45:00.003+08:00

boo!

it's way overdue, but hugs to you. =)

all the way from katmandu,

from you friend.

tomu!

“If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life”

2009-04-26T02:35:00.001+08:00

wait. by =escaped-emotions on deviantART

we're back!

2009-03-08T18:17:00.004+08:00

To be nobody-but-yourself -- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

- e. e. cummings

------------------------------------

so brunei finally came to an end. it was a bittersweet parting from the forest i guess. can't deny that some of us learnt alot and bonded more as a team than we probably could have in CDA. Still, coming back to singapore means home. and that beats every-bloody-thing else in brunei.

Booking in for my IC week today (yes, that's right i just came back today too) and man it's gonna be hell.

but yeah. we'll be fine eh BOC? :)

catch up with the rest of you guys soon. =) promise to blog more. heh i'm starting to start to think again. xD

btw.

VOTE FOR MY PHOTOS

http://voting.noisesingapore.com/index.php?shtype=1

NOW.

LOL. 9th row frm the bottom gogogogogGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!

What do you want?

2009-02-08T20:18:00.005+08:00

I want to be better.
inspired by a book i read (or more like saw)

i want to strive for more
i want to improve myself mind- body- soul
i want to read those books that i so desperately need to
i want to write what it is i feel
i want to explore new worlds and ideas
i want to embrace everything instead of fight it
i want to find the beauty in everything
i want to grow closer and closer to God
i want to throw caution the the wind more often
i want to live out loud (too)
i want to forget what they think
i want to free myself from the things i can't seem to get over
i want to be a better friend
i want to strengthen relationships
i want to hold a hand

i dont want to be lonely anymore
I crave these things in order to feel whole and at peace with myself, they feel intensively significant to living, to surviving, they aren’t only wants but necessities, I also feel that these are the wants that should take precedence over our other wants, our material wants, our prizes, our coveted items that deter our appreciation of what is beneath us and above us, i have them, we all have them.

p.s: i want to do this for me, not for them.

what do you want?

a meme about meme (my first)

2009-02-01T03:04:00.008+08:00

havent blogged since.. ever. LOL. so i thought i'd tantalize your tastebuds a lil with a meme. =D plus the fact that i havent tagged back so much so that ppl keep taggin me more.

so stop. now. -.- NO TIME LAH BODOH LOL. ARMY.

wait just 80weeks more and then u can tag me till kingdom come aiights? lol bleh ;P

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you!

(tagged by CARMELLO, ZOOMI and anGEL)

#1 - i was addicted to barney the purple dinosaur as a kid

#2 - girls who talk excessively are cute

#3 - i sometimes believe im an emotion-lacking person and from time to time hate myself for it.

#4 i don't cry, ok i know i did that time. -.- but yeah. i just dont.

#5 - i tend to make a deductions on people based on observations

#6 - i'm actually reallllyyy sad about some friends who have yet to know God

#7 - i'm in love with everything japanese (but not crazy overit)

#8 - I harbour a fobia of fangirls (or worse, fanboys (YUCK)) - appliestoallapartfromfellowVOSmemberTANLILIN. -.-

#9 - My dreams are nightmares most of the time

#10 - I'm musically retarded

#10b - I have a soft spot for musically talented people.

#11 - i REALLY (as in seriously really) miss the peeps and the camps in TP

#12 - I used to be REALLY scared of the dark (EH, I BET YOU WERE TOO OKAY) ;P

#13 - I had to go for therapy sessions when i was a kid because of a shyness problem

#14 - i LURVEEEEE watching movies

#15 - i hate myself for being horrible at mantaining long distance friendships

#16 - i used to hate it when people messed up my hair. no idea why people still try to do it now that i have none, but im glad to say it doesn't bother me much anymore

#17 - i miss having hair

#18 - i can't eat without a drink to accompany my food

#19 - i'm in love catch-up sessions with old friends

#20 - i'm actually an extremely lonely person

#21 - i love anything green-tea related

#22 - i plan to make my teeth straight again. someday.

#23 - i enjoy shopping. alot. sad that i never get to home home with anything tho -.-

#24 - i re-read my blog posts from time to time to remember. you should too. =)

#25 - i can't wait till God calls me back, but if i could have one wish before i went it'd be that that would be the time i'd meet all my loved ones again (how great tt'll be eh kazumi?)

FIELDCAMP

2008-11-08T16:43:00.003+08:00

6days5nights

no food
no toilet
no bath
no bed
no proper shelter
no hard grounds

with 8click route march before
with crazy exercises
with insects
with wet wet mud
with hot sun
with rain
with hari

bring. it. on.
command school here i come.

wish me luck and pray for me guys. i need your love most now!!! whahahahaas.

I, am a soldier of courgar platoon 1.
I have no say in my posting to this platoon,
but i will give my maximum effort in everything i do.
No matter how tired i am, i will give my best.
I will place no limits to my physical and mental endurance.
I will uphold the discipline and integrity of platoon 1 at all times.
I take pride in being part of this elite platoon.
I will live my the motto of my company: everyday stronger, better, faster.
Cougar platoon 1, for life.

LOL. some propaganda from the army for you. crappy, but YAH.

i'll be back stronger, better, faster in 6 days. ;)

till then, miss me lah. heh. =)

bookout bodoh

2008-10-27T11:53:00.004+08:00

Lucky I'm in love with my best friend, Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love every way

---------------------------------------------------

here's a short post.

hope you guys understand my short posts from here on. every second outside of tekong chalet counts (at least for now).

heh.
so guess what! got into cougar coy, can't say i wasnt hoping for a tough company b4 enlistment, but right now i can't say that a tough company,

is really damn tough. lol.

despite the hell it is inside, i guess we can all look forward to passing out from bmt with a lil more pride than everyone else. and i guess what some of the commanders say is sorta true in a way, we'll be more ready for command school too (that is if i even get in luh).

got tired,
got sick,
had to push myself to the limits almost everyday,
had to inspire,
had to be inspired,

but it guess its true what they say! lol

tough times dont last, tough men do.
hehheh.

go cougar. -.-

will update (possibly with pictures and stories) when im less sick.

so anw, while i was in there i guessed i missed everything.
i miss trafficlights.
i miss not having to either march or run everbloodywhere
i miss not having to ask permission to scratch that irritating mosquito bite (and everythin else)
i miss having more than 6 hours of sleep
i miss wearing normal clothes
i miss not having to do 5bx every morning
i miss my CAMERA
i miss my family
i miss my vos
i miss abide2
i miss the clique
i miss not having to eat the same food everyday
i miss my room
i miss my bed

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. trust me, the list goes on.

but guess what. army's part of life. so im gonna learn to make the most out of it. heh.
so while i'm gone,

as always, miss me like mad.
coz i'll be missing you. =)

wishing on a star

2008-10-09T03:01:00.006+08:00

the best time of the year,

when everyone comes home.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

so ok no, HongKongLand wasn't THAT bad luh. but yes. its a really angry place and our hostel was amazingly small (and a tad bit smelly) BUT STILL. the trip, was the love. =D and more so were the people.

THERE YOU HAVE IT (in clockwise)

PEARLEEN the mickeymouse queueing up for the cable car ride to ocean parkkk

AMOS the whinny with big nostrils eating his over fried youtiao

LINNY the veryexcite looking veryexcite

anddd..

JINGYUAN the canto eating beard papa's tiramisu creampuff!

LOL.

trip came and went in what seemed like just a matter or seconds! sure we may have gotten pissed (i know I did -.-) at each other sometimes, lost our way many times, got scolded by every (ok lah, almost every) hongkong person we met, had trouble speaking the language annnnddd had to go back to a puny room at the end of it all everyday....

but i can tell you, boy do we all miss that crazy place. =)

i miss us getting kanjiong when pearleen was late for the plane.

i miss the EXCITE of going through the customs without our parents.

i miss taking photos of the kids (LOL) with every frikin mrt station sign.

i miss running aft fast walking taipang lookalike to our airpot limo.

i miss us going *wahhhhh* at every friking thing we saw lol

i miss our nice hotel

i miss the hear-thru walls btwn the girl's and the guys room

i miss banging on those walls

i miss waking up super early and not being able to tell if the sun was up yet (no wondows mah)

i miss (LOL, this from amos) waking up earlier than the girls and chionging to get ready and always still be ready to go out at least an hour before them.

i DONT miss amos' WHINNING EVERYDAY EVERYWHERE EVERYTIME LOL (i can just imagine amos whinning to this now)

i miss being superfriking tired everyday but still having to have our meetings lol

i miss the massage and the angmoh and saudi arabian

i miss Pearlyn's zhao sia and her wish upon a star

i miss getting banged into by people on the street when we stop walking

i miss seeing things get dragged across the floor during the typhoon

i miss our news reports about the weather

i miss going to finding a toilet and discovering food paradise after shitty wanchai

i DONT miss the stupid hongkong signs

i miss experimenting with rear curtain flash

i miss the peak

i miss (from pearlyn, LOL) the old granny who scolded us for not being fast enough when she started pushing all the crates into the lift even before we had the chance to step out.

i miss the coming home with our hands full of bags to the indian man that's always downstairs asking how our day was

i miss the ocean park taxi uncle LOL!!!!

i miss 5 ppl in a cab

i miss bargining for EVERYTHING (even the cab)

i miss shopping for lo po pang

i miss almost losing my specs in ocean park

i miss the view from my aunt's placeeee

i miss my aunts FOOODDD lol

i miss waiting for food with LL and Amos on the plane

i miss rushing to collect our bags coz they were *going to throw them away at the airport*

i miss dimsum

i miss hong kong

but more than that

i miss the company. =(

and i will miss it more in ns. =( =(

VOS did a surprise for me just yesterday and boyy...

the effort and time put into it just baffles me.

guys..

girls.. lol. what LL said in her letter really hit me, that you know how im always complaining im suay and stuff, not being able to find the right sizes for anything in HongKong, getting injured or hurt or whatever whenever?

but i gues that aint really that true once i think about it.

coz i've got you guys. =)

ok. girls, and guys. -.- LOL but you get the point. hekhek. i know i may not have burst out in tears or anythingg, but you guys really touched me (LOL) last night. =P ok i mean *i was really touched last night* =)

lol. reallaye. the collage was beautiful, the surprise was.. surprising. =) the acting was brilliant, the props were.. noisy lol, and the food was great. =) i really couldnt have asked for a better send off guys. or better friends. =) i know i havent been doing alot to deserve smth so special from you guyys.. but i want you to know that i love each each and every every one of you alright? =) alot alot! lol.

the cards made me cry this morning. kinda. =)

aye.

JingYuan -

You're ALWAYS sick! lol! so take care of yourself yeah. make sure u eat ur meds and eat healthy. no more triple chocolate for you! whahas. thanks for being the most mature and patient. i know there are always times you have to fight between your happiness and ours and am truly thankful and sorry for how you always sacrificed so much for the sake of VOS. i thank God that he gave me the chance to meet the *stabaliser* that you are. (heng i never kick you out LOL). you're the one that sees things that the rest dont, and im really thankful that there's you to turn to when i dont know who else to.

dont be sad that i'm going, it's just the beginning of our friendship! =) i have faith that a special one like ours will continue to grow more and more over the years. so no, we wont be like this after 2 years, 8 years, 20 years, 50 years and 100 years, we'll be better. =)

JAPAN. =)

LiLin -

OUHMYYY... your letter was the one that.... awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. lol! i havent read a letter so sincre since a long long time ago girlll. lol. and ay. TPSU paper rawks ok.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT YOUR PIMPLES! lol! EVERYONE has them, so stop spamming cream BODOH. lol! it aint good for the skinn! wahhas. besidess, i DID say ur cute some long long long long long long long long long time ago didnt i? lol! so that overrules whatever grows on ur face okayyy!! =S LOL.

ok no luh im kidding. :P but i really mean it! as in. the cute park. *winks*winks* LOL. =) aye! you're the *lifter* in the group! =) coz i think no matter how whatever im feeling whenever, seeing ur retarded antics and always supershit excited face makes me laugh. lol. and ayee.

sure, alot of things in my life might have ended in a sad note, but for VOS, there wont even ever be an ending right? ;)

and like it always seems to be with you LL, what you wrote really lifted my spirits, i wont say why or how or what, but i think you'd probably know luh. right? =)

i'll miss you like crazyshit too. but dont worry aiights? i'll bring many cute botakboys back for you. ;)

Pearlyn -

PP! LOL. THE POEM IS OMGAWSH. whahahhas! i was laughing to myself when i was reading it please! hekhek. heng i lock the door if not my mum cfm think i siao. and yesssss. the paper really quite nice. =)

like i said b4, it sucks to have to had to boot some ppl out of alfa, but if we hadnt then we wouldnt have been able to meet TEACHER. lol! i cant imagine DOC without you please! lol you and your redbull. =) wahas. and im superglad you made it to hongkong too. =) i must say i totally agree with LL, your videos are all SUPER funny hekhek. so aye. while im gone, dont stop zhaosianing, dont stop being super cute and dont stop reaching for the stars. =) one award not enough one. go for 10000 k! lol PP can do it. im sure. lol.

oh ya. duno if i say b4 but i think u'll make a damn good *mother*. LOL

Issac -

Izak! still damn sad that you couldnt make it with us to HK, buttt.. japan k! ;)

aye! you may not know it, but to me the pressence of another Christian in a group like ours REALLY makes to difference to me. i guess its impt to have someone to turn to spiritually. =)

you know how i said LL was the lifter? that's coz she always knows how to make me smile and laugh lol. but to me izak, you're the *hysteric* LOL coz you're the one that always leaves me in stitches. lol! UR DAMN FUNNY PLEASE!!!! WHAHAS. *thinks back to the newton bus ride*

LOL. it seems everytime im laughing like shit its when ur around ahhas.

anw! i just wanna say,

that though life just may

get you down in so many ways,

and lead to a lil disarray,

i will continue to pray

that izaku will never fail to be

bright and gay! =D

LOL. aye yyeah. rmb you are of the Lord! so while im gone. shinex2 in skoo too k? =D

Amos -

AHMOOSEYONGSTUPIDJIE. LOL. KIDDING KIDDING. AYE. i still cant fanthom how frikin amazing it is that i know your sister and now i know you. =S LOL. (both as cock =P)

youknow, when we do think about it, you've actually grown quite abit. sure the amos we know may still be whinny and a lil immature (or alot lol) but compared to when you were in year one, you've changed! alot. =) lol and i think ttz quite the acheivement.

sometimes i actually regret coming up with the cockboy nick for you, coz i do know that even you, get hurt by the things ppl say (yes everyone, amos has feelings too), but then again, at the end of it all, you DO know that we love you right?! LOL.

really lahh, we're all greatful you were in HK with us (esp me) LOL cant imagine navigating and shopping with the girls ALONE. -.- omgawsh.

so. amosyong, you are appreciated, by all of us. =)

JUST GROW UP ABIT FOR GOODNESS SAKE.

LOL.

there's no other nick i can think of for you apart from, *cockboy* heh.

so yeah. =)

that's for VOS. so much more i wanna say to so many ppl. churchies, betsy, ama, the clique (which has actually expanded to smth else, i dont think we have a name do we? LOL). SO MANY PPL. but then again. its just the army right. i'll be back luh. in just 2weeks. =) heh.

so while im gone. behave. lol

be good.

and to VOS (actually everyone luh), i just have one wish, and one regret,

that i didnt manage to bring you guys to Church. so when im in the army, i'll be praying. every single night for each and everyone of you, that you'll come to know the Lord, and that somehow, someone will show you the way to him. it's something that i wish for and think about almost everyday, so ayyee, rmb what i told you guys b4 k, and recall what you've experienced, in hillsongs or whereever else. =) i hope that one day you will all be saved. =)

adieu my friends. lol.

dont you dare forget me. =)

p.s: pictures from hk in the other VOS blogs. will post them up myself once im out. ;)

Glued to a table

2008-10-08T19:12:00.002+08:00

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Just a short week after coming back from HongKong to cleaner sheets, bigger showers and clearer air it seems im leaving to another angry crowded place. lol.

cept this time im taking a ferry there. with guys. alot of guys. heh.

so the time's finally here! lil' tomu's gonna become a man. ;) at least thats what they say.

im enlisting, gonna start to serve the nation, defend our country, fire guns, throw grenades, smell horrible and eat shit sleep and suffer with the rest of the botak armyboys.

im entering armyland (a.k.a: tekong) in just 2days!

can't say i havent been looking forward to it, or am not excited about the prospect of mental and physical torture over the nxt 2 years, but it IS pretty sad to leave what i have to leave behind. Hanging out with friends, having personal time to myself, slacking. lol! but i guess it really is sorta about time i went.

so while im on that lil' island, MISS ME BODOH.

LOL. text me! i'll read the messages at night and AWWWWW so loudly im sure all the other armyboys will get jealous. lol.

plan to go out with me on weekends! coz i'll really treasure those times!

and most importantly

pray for me. =) pray for him to help keep me grounded! pray for good bunkmates i can clique with and commanding officers that can take my nonsense. pray for courage when doing my swimming test and that God will grant me patience wisdom and strength. and then i'm sure i'll be fine.

heh. thankyou. friends like you rawk. xD hekhek.

so.. im ready. =) ready as i every will be.

reporting time's at 12pm at pasir ris interchange and 1pm at the ferry terminal. i'll prob be at the interchange ard 11:00 or 11:15 mayB? so if anyone plans on coming, LUNCH'S ON ME.

NOT. LOL. (whahahhas i just told a not joke) BUT, YAHH. we can have lunch together. =) MACS PLEASE. WITH LARGE COKE AND FRIES. =D

wish me luckk. ;)

Hello HongKong

2008-09-22T15:08:00.004+08:00

But it's over now (but it's over now)

Go on and take a bow.

-------------------------------------------------

tired tired TIRED TIREDDDD!!!!!

LOL. SWIMMING SUCKS.

but its uber fun LOL. so, after the many many lessons from friends and a few from this private guy who charges alot,

I CAN FINALLY SWIM. =D HOORAH FOR ME whahahhhas!

okay, so i cant really swim swim, but i managed to do a 50m! AND learn freestyle. which is all the army bloddy requires, so i guess that settles that problem for now. =) hekhek.

so yeah, apart from preparing for the next 2 years, my life has been pretty much made up of countdowns;

just over 2 weeks to enlistment,

just over 1 to Cheryl's departure, :( :(

and..

JUST 14 BLOODY HOURS LEFT TILL IM ON A PLANE TO HONGKONG!

LOL DSSBSBKJSNBDKVBSKJVJKSB!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHAHAHHAS! we're all super excitedcantwaittoleave right now, but considering we havent settled 10MILLION things (including changin cash and packing our bags -.-), 15 hours might just not be enough (what the hell am i doing blogging right?).

SO YAH. i shall stop here.

lol thats all for this post.

expect a photofilled one as soon as i get back.

ENJOY SINGAPORE (F1 please) PEEPS, i'll cyah guys in 6days.

miss me. =)

2008-09-13T19:10:00.001+08:00

tired.

once upon a december

2008-09-09T15:46:00.004+08:00

Far away,

long ago

things I yern to remember

and a song someone sings

Once upon a December.

---------------------------------------------------

went for the gala of *The Days* last week! and i guess it was like fiona said; so many conflicting emotions about the show that im not really that sure how i really found it. lol! one interesting thing tho,

MY NAME IS ON THE CREDITS OMGADFIUDVIULSBVDS.

whahahhas! ok so i know, i helped out a total of only just ONE DAY. but hey, it's still cool right. lol. so yeah! i'd really encourage everyone to watch it, be it to support friends acting in it (ADORA WONG AND IVAN LIM), to support the crew (our fellow TP alumni and current students), or just to enjoy a good documenteral (yes i know theres no such word lol) peek into the lives of gangsters from a past age, it's worth the $6.50, or $9.50, or whatever they charge nowadays. =) i'd say that these are a group of people that have made local filmmakers all over Singapore proud.

so CONGRATS to Boi Kwong, director of THE DAYS, the cast and crew, and a huge thanks to April, for granting me the privilege of being on set, and also to all the friends and people i've met during the production, i'd say your hard work really paid off. =)

smashing soundtrack too. =D

-------------------------------------------------

rest of my week was spent pretty much bumming ard (probably the reason to how i managed to come up with that incredibly long wordy no-one-read post) lol. went to several meetings, went back to school once? got to send karen off again (its a sad thing), and spent the weekend with churchies! whahahs. sent albert's cell off on sat and played touch rugby on sunday.

on this super muddy field LOL. ok, mayB not muddy, but a more grimy. eee. whhaas. but i tell you it was the funnest please. lol eventhoughimsuperunfitnow. BUT YAH. been centuries since i played sports with the church people, or with anyone else for that matter lol. hoorah to more games. =) lol!

sooo. yeah to sum it all up, last week was a emo one, but abide2time and church uplifted my spirits again. =)

we were talking a bit about how right now with karen gone again there's only 7 of us left, but several years down the road, cheryl will be gone, jer's going, then mich, and then me. which leaves (if my skills in math dont fail me) 3. Three. lol. =(

sigh. i guess that's how life is, we grow up, we move out. new friends become old ones. though, i dont think that i actually have older friends than i do in abide2, but yyyeah. I guess one thing this group can look forward to is that be in 5, 6 or even 10 years or smth down the road, we'll be playing tgt again for the glory of God. heh. =D

SO YAH. THERES NORMAL BLOG POST FOR YOU SIR. xD lol

This week's gonna be pretty much the same as the last, even right down to the day canyoubelieveit lol! going to the gala for MAMAMIA 2mr NIGHTT!! ISVNSILLIBSDVSDBBSVOMGBBQWTHSDJVNSJKVSV LOL. CANT WAIT. dad says mrpresident is gonna be there so must wear nice nice. =S

thing is.. it's before my hongkong trip, and

beforeHKtrip = NO CLOTHES

so. im in kneedeepshit now. lol. ahwell. i'll figure smth out. so till nxt time!

xoxo

gossipgirl

LOL I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO THAT.

but ya. ok. -.-

thnxbye. xD LOL

fall for you

2008-09-08T17:58:00.004+08:00

"Because that's what people do. They leap, and hope to God they can fly, because otherwise you just drop like a rock, wondering the whole way down, why in the *hell* did I jump?"

Alex Hitchens - From the movie Hitch

Silence!

2008-09-06T00:50:00.001+08:00

i KILL you!

black holes and revelations

2008-09-03T02:47:00.011+08:00

2nd time im posting part of a book up on the net (sure hope i dont get sued or smth). um. please dont read it if you have smth better to do. but if not, i'd suggest a quick glace through, coz after you've done that you'd probably actually want to read it through once more. It's just a short passage about..

Life.
i guess. -.-
simple stuff, nth too complex, but it'll probably leave you with smth to ponder about. =)

enjoy.

The Alchemist pg127-132 by Paulo Coelho

They crossed the desert for another two days in silence. The alchemist had become much more cautious, because they were approaching the area where the most violent battles were being waged. As they moved along, the boy tried to listen to his heart.

It was not easy to do; in earlier times, his heart had always been ready to tell its story, but lately that wasn't true. There had been times when his heart spent hours telling of its sadness, and at other times it became so emotional over the desert sunrise that the boy had to hide his tears. His heart beat fastest when it spoke to the boy of treasure, and more slowly when the boy stared entranced at the endless horizons of the desert. But his heart was never quiet, even when the boy and the alchemist had fallen into silence.

"Why do we have to listen to our hearts?" the boy asked, when they had made camp that day.

"Because, wherever your heart is, that is where you'll find your treasure."

"But my heart is agitated," the boy said. "It has its dreams, it gets emotional, and it's become passionate over a woman of the desert. It asks things of me, and it keeps me from sleeping many nights, when I'm thinking about her."

"Well, that's good. Your heart is alive. Keep listening to what it has to say."

During the next three days, the two travelers passed by a number of armed tribesmen, and saw others on the horizon. The boy's heart began to speak of fear. It told him stories it had heard from the Soul of the World, stories of men who sought to find their treasure and never succeeded. Sometimes it frightened the boy with the idea that he might not find his treasure, or that he might die there in the desert. At other times, it told the boy that it was satisfied: it had found love and riches.

"My heart is a traitor," the boy said to the alchemist, when they had paused to rest the horses. "It doesn't want me to go on."

"That makes sense," the alchemist answered. "Naturally it's afraid that, in pursuing your dream, you might lose everything you've won."

"Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?"

"Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet. Even if you pretend not to have heard what it tells you, it will always be there inside you, repeating to you what you're thinking about life and about the world."

"You mean I should listen, even if it's treasonous?"

"Treason is a blow that comes unexpectedly. If you know your heart well, it will never be able to do that to you. Because you'll know its dreams and wishes, and will know how to deal with them.

"You will never be able to escape from your heart. So it's better to listen to what it has to say. That way, you'll never have to fear an unanticipated blow."

The boy continued to listen to his heart as they crossed the desert. He came to understand its dodges and tricks, and to accept it as it was. He lost his fear, and forgot about his need to go back to the oasis, because, one afternoon, his heart told him that it was happy. "Even though I complain sometimes," it said, "it's because I'm the heart of a person, and people's hearts are that way. People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"Every second of the search is an encounter with God," the boy told his heart. "When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I've known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it. When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible for a shepherd to achieve."

So his heart was quiet for an entire afternoon. That night, the boy slept deeply, and, when he awoke, his heart began to tell him things that came from the Soul of the World. It said that all people who are happy have God within them. And that happiness could be found in a grain of sand from the desert, as the alchemist had said. Because a grain of sand is a moment of creation, and the universe has taken millions of years to create it. "Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him," his heart said. "We, people's hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them—the path to their destinies, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.

"So, we, their hearts, speak more and more softly. We never stop speaking out, but we begin to hope that our words won't be heard: we don't want people to suffer because they don't follow their hearts."

"Why don't people's hearts tell them to continue to follow their dreams?" the boy asked the alchemist.

"Because that's what makes a heart suffer most, and hearts don't like to suffer."

From then on, the boy understood his heart. He asked it, please, never to stop speaking to him. He asked that, when he wandered far from his dreams, his heart press him and sound the alarm. The boy swore that, every time he heard the alarm, he would heed its message.

That night, he told all of this to the alchemist. And the alchemist understood that the boy's heart had returned to the Soul of the World.

"So what should I do now?" the boy asked.

"Continue in the direction of the Pyramids," said the alchemist. "And continue to pay heed to the omens. Your heart is still capable of showing you where the treasure is."

"Is that the one thing I still needed to know?"

"No," the alchemist answered. "What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'

"Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested."

The boy remembered an old proverb from his country. It said that the darkest hour of the night came just before the dawn.

--------------------------------------------------

Sure brings a whole new meaning to the term "follow your heart" eh. lol.

so.. yeah. reason why i chose to actually put this up is coz i've been talking to a few people recently, dont know how we actually got to it, but somehow conversations i've been having with people over the past few days have been about the heart,

(not heart as in, bloodpumping-keepingyoualive kindda heart, but more like. the lovey dovey inside you smth like ur soul, kindda heart)

about dreams, wishes, goals, love lost and love gained.
People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly."

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself."

Sometimes we choose to do things that's easier, safer. but will it really make everything better in the end? no one wants to be hurt (again). but is the fear of suffering really worse than the suffering itself?

im beginning to think so.

------------------------------------------------

Believe or not, TOMU, (yes that's me im just talking in 3rd person coz i think its cool)

has been watching Gossip Girl

one whole frikin season of it LOL. ok before you start suanning me, actually try watching it urself please. LOL. it's pretty woah woah okay. -.- whahas.
ok i mean, if you look at it from another perspective, its the same as most other dramas, with a few more interesting elements thrown in.
and if i reallllyyy wanna be bitchy about it? i'd say, its exactly the same as the OC, cept, with a bitchy narrator. =S

the narrator concept of which i feel was already made widely popular (not from citizen kane weirdly lol but) probably from other dramas, like desperate housewives, in which in that aspect it was one of their dead neightbours. anddd.. grey's anatomy which if i may say so myself has brought me close to tears (dont laugh it's probably had the same effect one you bleh) many many times b4.

Gossip Girl, on the other hand, brings forth the true cruelty of it all i guess, the voice (Kristen Bell, who is uber hawt too) i feel is perfectly casted, and the dialogue never fails to amuse me.

i.e
Gossip Girl: This just in: S and B committing a crime of fashion. five-finger discount. Who doesn't love a five-finger discount. Especially if it's the middle one.

so apart from the bitch of a v/o, its like this, so far, its been about mostly rich (and good looking) people falling in love with other rich (and other good looking) people, and one of them falling in love instead with this other (not so rich and good looking) guy. but along the way things start to get complicated with the intro of this guy's past crush from back in the times he didnt hang out with the richer people.

sounds familiar? (or did it even make sense?) =S

but YAH LAH. okay. i have to admit, although its pretty much a chic flick fan's fantasycometrue, it DOES get loads better as the episodes progress. The plot's smart, the girls are hawt (as in woah woah hawt), the clothes are expensive, the guys are cool and there really are those OH. MY. GAWDDDDD moments lol. (and of course the really sad ones)

so.. what exactly izit that attracts people to shows like that?

im guessing its probably one of the two things, or both. I'm either we really like how cool everything is (face it, one kiss in the movies ALWAYS solves everything), or how we can sometimes actually.. well, relate to things that happen.

i guess there's smth in GG for everyone, if you're not the popular kind, then you'd relate to dan and jenny, but then if you are, then i guess you'd relate to everyone else. lol. there's smth for the adults too, coz i guess it gives a lil insight into how teens lead their lives (or at least how we want to) and not forgetting the display of how screwed up adult life can actually be.

butt.. yeah. i guess in the end all our lives are a tad bit dramatic in their own ways.
ask my friends. -.-
lol, life.. is really sometimes lonesome without people, but on the other hand it might just sometimes be too complicated with. lol. like everyone else in the "upper east side", im guessing all we're really looking for is love, eh? to love and to be loved, be it whether its a guy or girl, or with friends. we dont want to complications, we dont want the pain, and we dont want the drama. we. just. want. to. bloody. be. happy. -.-

lol. but think about it. imagine gossip girl, without the bitch of a narrator, without the drama, without the hurt and pain. -.- it'll be, like..
i duno.

i wanted to say fairytale, but even humpty dumpty bloody died. (and they just HAD to king's men and horses not be able to fix him) -.- more exciting i guess. -.-

yeah, so. it'd be boring. take S and B for example, they're supposed to be best friends, but they get into these huge killeachothernoremorse kindda fights; fights of which if they didnt get into, they'd probably not be so close.

talk about things we can relate to eh? i guess life puts us to the test whereever we go and whatever we do. and people have been so aware of it they're even making shows to prove the point, but i guess at the end of it all, we gotta know, that God has a plan. a plan for all of us, and that as long as we believe in this plan and put our faith his hand, then it will be okay.

"What you still need to know is this: before a dream is realized, the Soul of the World tests everything that was learned along the way. It does this not because it is evil, but so that we can, in addition to realizing our dreams, master the lessons we've learned as we've moved toward that dream. That's the point at which most people give up. It's the point at which, as we say in the language of the desert, one 'dies of thirst just when the palm trees have appeared on the horizon.'

so while we're on this point on life and all,

through the past 20 years, i've hurt alot of people. and have been hurt pretty much myself too. to those that i have, i wanna say that it's smth i never meant to do, and even if i did mean it (we all have our darker times right?), i always go home regretting it. im sorry.

the world has hit me back though, that you can be sure of. ironically, the same way i've hurt people. before, actually. =S
lol. ok probably no one knows what im talking about. -.- so don't worry if you dont too. LOL.

i just miss the times where things were simpler you know?
sure, back then we'd think WAHHH life sucks, so drama, so much shit's happening. and im sure i'll probably think that way about the times when i was still 20 too,
but.. yeah.
life was simpler back then.

"cause you always saw in me,
all the best that i could be."

lol. i'll never forget the times too. =)

i promise i will start posting proper blog entries again soon.

Because im sick post

2008-08-22T02:27:00.003+08:00

feel as if my spirit's given up. as in not spirit spirit. but just the me inside me spirit. -.-

i just love not making sense hekhek.

it kidda sucks not having a shortshort term goal. sucks even more when im sick. -.- lol. good news tho. i bought a new game. hopefully that'll keep my mind off whatever.

not exactly who i make myself out to be right noww..

i wanna fly again.

2008-08-22T02:14:00.002+08:00

dengue aches are scary.

i want to break free

2008-08-21T03:14:00.003+08:00

but then again. don't we all?

------------------------------------------------

surfing youtube the other night and i chanced upon this treasure trove of QUEEN live performances at wembly for LIVEaid 1985 and 1986 AND OMAHGAWSH.

I TELL YOU. is really TREASURE TROVE. lol! Freddy Mercury is MAD. whahahas but a super cool person to watch perform. He doesnt give a shit what anyone thinks when performing. and really. woahWOAH. lol. go watch it fer urself. lol. and you'll feel like you've broken free of whatever. heh.

2008-08-20T16:12:00.001+08:00

tomu. my21grams.blogspot.com says:
but not busy like i used to be anymore :)

omgawsh. lol.

Built to Last

2008-08-18T15:02:00.014+08:00

"Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,

and now there's nothing I can't do."

Built to Last - Melee

---------------------------------------------

DISCLAIMER: DONT READ THIS POST. IT WILL WASTE YOUR TIME.

Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami
Let''s see, now, what was Naoko talking about that day?

Of course: the "field well." I have no idea whether such a well ever existed, It might have been an image or a sign that existed only inside Naoko, like all the other things she used to spin into existence inside her mind in those dark days. Once she had described it to me, though, I was never able to think of that meadow scene without the well. From that day forward, the image of a thing I had never laid eyes on became inseparably fused to the actual scene of the field that lay before me. I can go so far as to describe the well in minute detail. It lay precisely on the border where the meadow ended and the woods began-a dark opening in the earth a yard across, hidden by the meadow grass. Nothing marked its perimeter-no fence, no stone curb (at least not one that rose above ground level). It was nothing but a hole, a mouth open wide. The stones of its collar had been weathered and turned a strange muddy white. They were cracked and had chunks missing, and a little green lizard slithered into an open seam. You could lean over the edge and peer down to see nothing. All I knew about the well was its frightening depth. It was deep beyond measuring, and crammed full of darkness, as if all the world''s darknesses had been boiled down to their ultimate density.

"It''s really, really deep," said Naoko, choosing her words with care. She would speak that way sometimes, slowing down to find the exact word she was looking for. "But no one knows where it is," she continued. "The one thing I know for sure is that it''s around here somewhere."

Hands thrust into the pockets of her tweed jacket, she smiled at me as if to say "It''s true!"

"Then it must be incredibly dangerous," I said. "A deep well, but nobody knows where it is. You could fall in and that''d be the end of you."

"The end. Aaaaaaaah, splat. Finished."

"Things like that must actually happen."

"They do, every once in a while. Maybe once in two or three years. Somebody disappears all of a sudden, and they just can''t find him. So then the people around here say, ''Oh, he fell in the field well.''"

"Not a nice way to die," I said.

"No, it''s a terrible way to die," said Naoko, brushing a cluster of grass seed from her jacket. "The best thing would be to break your neck, but you''d probably just break your leg and then you couldn''t do a thing. You''d yell at the top of your lungs, but nobody''d hear you, and you couldn''t expect anybody to find you, and you''d have centipedes and spiders crawling all over you, and the bones of the ones who died before are scattered all around you, and it''s dark and soggy, and way overhead there''s this tiny, tiny circle of light like a winter moon. You die there in this place, little by little, all by yourself."

"Yuck, just thinking about it makes my flesh creep," I said. "''Somebody should find the thing and build a wall around it."

"But nobody can find it. So make sure you don''t go off the path."

"Don''t worry, I won''t."

Naoko took her left hand from her pocket and squeezed my hand. "Don''t you worry" she said. "You''ll be O.K. You could go running all around here in the middle of the night and you''d never fall into the well. And as long as I stick with you, I won''t fall in, either."

"Never?"

"Never!"

"How can you be so sure?"

"I just know," she said, increasing her grip on my hand and continuing on for a ways in silence. "I know these things. I''m always right. It''s got nothing to do with logic: I just feel it. For example, when I''m really close to you like this, I''m not the least bit scared. Nothing dark or evil could ever tempt me."

"Well, that answers that," I said. "All you have to do is stay with me like this all the time."

"Do you mean that?"

"Of course I mean it."

Naoko stopped short. So did I. She put her hands on my shoulders and peered into my eyes. Deep within her own pupils a heavy, black liquid swirled in a strange whirlpool pattern. Those beautiful eyes of hers were looking inside me for a long, long time. Then she stretched to her full height and touched her cheek to mine. It was a marvelous, warm gesture that stopped my heart for a moment.

"Thank you," she said.

"My pleasure," I answered.

"I''m so happy you said that, Really happy," she said with a sad smile. "But it''s impossible."

--------------------------------------------

I can't help but wonder how Mr. Murakami can pour so much emotion into words. So much depth and feeling from the soul to the paper. Maybe its coz they used to use pens back then. lol. typing sucks. LOL. -.- hmn.
.

i guess i sometimes wish too that i could do things like that, to let emotion flow freely onto whatever canvas im painting my thoughts on. To remember not just the moments, but to put onto paper the emotions i felt (or am feeling) as a twenteen-on-the-verge-of-adulthood kid. I started the blog with the name "my21grams" with that exact initial intention, for this blogspot to be an outlet for the weight of my soul.
.

seems most of what i've been doing instead is rant. lol.

.
Even so, my memory has grown increasingly dim and i have already forgotten any number of things. Writing from memory lke this, i often feel a pang of dread. What if I've forgotten the most important thing? What if somewhere inside me there is this dark limbo where all the truly important memories are heaped and slowly turning into mud?

Be that as it may, it's all i have to work with. Clutching these faded, fading, imperfect memories to my breast, i go on writing this book with the desperate intensity of a starving man sucking on bones. This is the only way i know to keep my promise to Naoko

What if i forgot the most important things?

I blog to remember, so i look back at the better times (as i've done with my entries countless times before) and realise why i am who i am at whatever point of life. I guess it's just one of the other things i do to keep from getting lost.

But then again, im not writing some autobiography, or a book, its a blog everyone can read and have opinions about, so there are limitations.

limitations like, how some of you might be thinking right now (asuming you actually made it down here) what in the world would possess this boy (me) to actually pen (except its not really "pen" anymore izit?) weird things like that onto a online blog.

WELL. this afternoon i initially had the idea of letting this talk about emotions on paper lead slowly into things like friendship, about how no matter what, everyone judges. and how sometimes, its nice to have old friends, coz the older friends are, the less they seem to do that. but now that i took a uber long break halfway through the post to catch The Dark Knight for the 2nd time with the rest...

oh ok. -.- you know what, i WILL talk about it, since i alr said that much. LOL.

please excuse this post. i know its a total waste of space on the internet, but wth right, theres more than enough space here for a few lifetimes. -.-

like i was saying, i sorta figured out while taking a bath (you know how ppl always kinnda "figure things out" during baths right) that we're living in a world where everyone judges. as in, making assumtions from the things done, the things said, or even how you look and blah blah. and somehow thats the way it is with people.

i guess it's a lil' bit coz people want to fill out holes in other people, holes being things they dont know about each other, so they make guesses from what they can infer. you knowww.. like how some people wear branded clothes, and people start thinking that this guy's rich, and further infering that he's snobish and proud, or the other way around, where another doesnt dress nicely. But then again you can never really know can you, coz any of these two can be just brilliant actors (or that they just dont care), kidda thing.

yes i know im just full of shit lol. but yyeah im coming to my point! =P

so like, i was saying, i've actually managed to get to catch up with some of my older friends over the past few months, and it was simple meet-ups, you know, the kind where two of you just walk along the street and dont care if theres conversation or not, and when it's time for a sitdown, you just sitdown for a drink somewhere? Simple. and the one thing that strikes me as nostalgic is that.. no judging. just the coffee, me, and you. sure theres a lil bit of poking fun at each otherr.. or commenting on how this or that jacket looks good or not.. but nothing really hurtful see? its good-natured, edifying. coz old friends know where each other's lines are without having each other to draw it out over and over again, just like some of us may have to do with other people.

but to make old friends, you gotta first make new ones. right? =) and i guess that's what makes life interesting. its like they say, if you dont know the worst, you wont know the best if it slaps you in the face. so i guess we need to see the worst in people, before we can really appreciate good.

its like... a dirty diamond (i dont know why people keep using diamonds)

ok. lets not use diamonds.

its like...

like...

LOL. OKAY.

its like.. a rock. =) when you first see a rock (imagine you're a rock too please), it's nice, it has nice little jagged edges, with bits of lil shiny parts sticking thru it shines from time to time and makes you happy, especially when ur stuck somewhere in darkness. But when you spend enough time with this rock, you realise there's more to it than you thought, so you start rubbing away at it, which creates friction, sure it hurts, and the rock gets pretty hurt too, heating up and all like that, lol. but lets say you dont give up, you both go on rubbing away at each other until one day, you both realise beneath all that grime and dirt, you guys are not actually rocks,

you're diamonds!

LOL. SORRY STILL COULDNT THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE.

yyeah. so diamonds, and you two shine brightly for each other like you never imagined.

i guess. friendship's never really easy. but it's more than not always worth the pain. as long as you dont give up. =)

so. dont lor.

-----------------------------------------

lol. dont ask me what the post is about, coz i dont really have a clear idea myself. It was probably just inspired by the sad sad book i'm reading, or the things going on in life, or mayB even a random thing, like friendship or love. who knows? i've got a messed up mind. lol. hope i didnt waste ur time. =)

"Then it must be incredibly dangerous," I said. "A deep well, but nobody knows where it is. You could fall in and that''d be the end of you."

"The end. Aaaaaaaah, splat. Finished."

"Things like that must actually happen."

"They do, every once in a while. Maybe once in two or three years. Somebody disappears all of a sudden, and they just can''t find him. So then the people around here say, ''Oh, he fell in the field well.''

The night is darkest just before the dawn, And I promise you, the dawn is coming.

Vindicated

2008-08-17T17:27:00.006+08:00

I believe there's a hero in all of us, that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams.

May Parker - Spiderman2

fall for you.

2008-08-11T22:23:00.003+08:00

' Because a girl like you is impossible to find. You're impossible to find. '

Pimple

2008-08-07T23:39:00.007+08:00

OUTBREAKKKKK!!!!!!!

LOL. Pimple frenzy please! whahhhas. DARNIT. all this while i thought i had my face under control. BUT NOO.

we have this theory (omg the peekchure is damn disturbing ah) that it's because we hang out with amos so much that the spores in the air around him gets infected and somehow gets into our facial pores. so..

Pimples. are. contagious. =S

LOL ok just kidding. (amos you know we love you right) but it'd be damn scary right. -.- like. if pimples really spread through the air, and if you took a microscope and look into the air u'd see like.. little pimples with little wings flying around and imbedding itself into someone else's face pores. LOL.

btw.
em·bed (ěm-běd')
v. tr. To enclose snugly or firmly. Not unlike potting a plant. "He potted the plant"

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. whahahhahas! ouh ouh! and since we're on the topic of zits........

Note: for those who have yet to catch this amazing video, i recomend you put whatever you are eating, if you ARE eating (or for that matter, drinking too) aside before attempting to press play. if not, enjoy the background music yo!

WOHOOO!

have a zit-ful
oops.
ZIT-FREE DAY PEOPLES! xD

dont you just love pointless brainless posts. =)

EGO BOOSTERRRR!!!

2008-08-07T02:42:00.005+08:00

i. am. a.
Laid-back Doer (LD)

LOL. Even the name sounds damn cool please!
hekhek

Laid-back Doers are friendly, happy persons (wth is a *happy person* LOL). They enjoy being together with other people. Smart, eloquent, witty and charming (WOHOO! SCORE ONE FOR TOMU), they like to be the centre of attraction. They do not like to be alone. Their zest for life ensures that others feel well in their company and that they quickly get to know people. Laid-back Doers get the best out of every moment - many people of this type have a gift for making their whole life one big party xD. Boredom is unknown in their presence because they are very good at carrying others away with their enthusiasm, their good mood and their optimism.

Abstract thinking and profound philosophising about the meaning of life appeal less to Laid-back Doers. They are pragmatic, realistic and live completely in the here and now. At work too, they prefer it when it’s all go and they can act out their purposeful manner to the full. They have no problem handling several tasks at once and they blossom out in crisis situations! A varied field of activity with a lot of social contacts is just the right thing for them. One will also seldom find them inactive in their spare time (see. its not m fault) ; due to their open, curious nature, they mostly have many hobbies and interests. They are not afraid of the unknown: as they are flexible and creative, they quickly adjust to new situations and make the best of them. They sometimes come into conflict with strict rules or hierarchies by which they quickly feel constrained and against which they rebel.

As friends, Laid-back Doers are generous, helpful persons who attach great importance to harmonious relationships and a good atmosphere. Their sociable manner means that they have a large circle of friends and they love having the house full of many different types of guests. They are happy to give in to their spontaneous moods and fancies in the just one or two important things. This makes them appear somewhat unpredictable to those with a quieter nature. When it really matters, you can rely on them one hundred percent. As partners, they are creative, impetuous and imaginative - as long as their partner knows how to fascinate them. They can hardly stand boredom or routine in a relationship. They do not like conflicts at all; if a relationship becomes too strenuous or involves too much effort, they tend to withdraw from the partnership and start to look for a new partner. However, if one manages to keep their curiosity alive in the long term and surprise them again and again, one has a loyal and loving partner.

Personality Survey from
http://www.ipersonic.com/test.html
Credits to BETTY YEO! xD from whose blog i got the URL from.

dont get me wrong tho. i think these shit tests are rubbish. but..

EGO BOOSTERR!!! LOL
WOHOOOOO!!!!

2008-08-01T02:00:00.003+08:00

Why you so liddat ah?

Why you so liddat.

I always give you chocolate,

I give you my tic tac.

But now you got a kit kat,

You never give me back!

Sad one-liners

2008-07-31T01:33:00.012+08:00

There has been thiss... dark blanket thingy over me recently.
It's as if it's thin enough to see through, tricking me into believing that the end of the darkness is near, but then again, it's so heavy that it weighs down on me. keeping me way from...

from what.

i duno. from the world? from my friends? from.. being myself?
but who am i really. -.-
i guess i thought i knew. but i think i know now a guess, is still a.. well, guess. -.-

so ya. -.-
heavy blanket. it's feels like im back to 2 years ago. before BETSYBONG (yes i miss you like mad) like.. squished me back into the colour world. lol. so i guess right now all i need to do is lift that bloody blanket up. i gotta stop struggling, fight myself in the dark, and just let some k-po take my blanket off for me. lol!

sighs. someone tell me what really happened.

-----------------------------------------------------------

SO YAH. im blogging. for real. up there was just crap ranting so if u actually read though the whole thinggg...

THEN TOO BAD. WHAHAHHAHAHAHHAS.

no laaa. sorry lah ok? SORRY. ;P
heh. soooooo.... i've been drifting! for those who are wondering what *waiting-for-army boy* is doing; drifting between helping out in schooool, doing freelance, and well.. more drifting pretty much describes my life right now. I guess its pretty tough when you dont actualy belong anywhere? whennn.. most of ur buddies are already where ur waiting to go, and you have to count on unreliable jobs and there being smth to help out with in school to keep you busy.

but yyeah. i guess i should be happy. =) no frigging idea why im not. why despite all the friends and things keeping me busylikemadmonsterking i just feel... lonely. Extremely.

AND YES OKAY. IM BUSY. SO WHEN YOU SEE ME. DONT ASK, *EH. WHY YOU SO FREE AH*. COZ IM NOT. NAWTTTT. NOTTTTTTT!!!!!!! *bleh*

hmn. yup. lonely and tired. you know how we get sick sometimes right? like, a flu, or fever, or smth like that. i wonder if we get sick emotionally sometimes too. for the first time in my life, i looked into the mirror today and noticed dark rings. -.- LIKE. WOAH. whahahas.

hmn..

AASJHD:OAIHV:OSDV:OIUSDNV.
OK. YOU KNOW WHAT.
SCREW IT.
SCREW IT ALL.
wrar!

IT SUCKS BEING EMOOOO!!!!!! AOINOINDVOISNDV:O!!!!SKMV:SKNV:!!! LOL.
ok. the world sucks, life sucks. -.- LOL.
SCREW THE BLOODY BLANKET. IM COMING OUT WITH A HUGE SPOTLIGHT IN MY HAND.

LETS GO DAMMIT.
please bring back the happytimes.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The Supremacy of Love
1If I speak in the languages of humans and angels but have no love, I have become a reverberating gong or a clashing cymbal.
2If I have the gift of prophecy and can understand all secrets and every form of knowledge, and if I have absolute faith so as to move mountains but have no love, I am nothing.
3Even if I give away everything that I have and sacrifice myself,[a] but have no love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is always patient;
love is always kind;
love is never envious
or arrogant with pride.
Nor is she conceited,

5 and she is never rude;
she never thinks just of herself
or ever get annoyed.
She never is resentful;

6 is never glad with sin,
but always glad to side with truth,
whene'er the truth should win.[b]

7 She bears up under everything,
believes the best in all,
there is no limit to her hope,
and she will never fall.

8Love never fails. Now if there are prophecies, they will be done away with. If there are languages, they will cease. If there is knowledge, it will be done away with.
9For what we know is incomplete and what we prophesy is incomplete.
10But when what is complete[c] comes, then what is incomplete will be done away with.

11When I was a child, I spoke like a child, thought like a child, and reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up my childish ways.
12Now we see only an indistinct image in a mirror, but then we will be face to face. Now what I know is incomplete, but then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

13Right now three things remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.

happy isnt that easy a word to spell anymore.

withlove. always,

from the guy behind the camera.

2008-07-22T04:22:00.001+08:00

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

2008-07-19T04:36:00.001+08:00

emoshit is gone. the weekend does help. =)

and people kicking chairs infront of them in the cinema are shit.
dont do it. -.-
its stupid and irritating.

supershit

2008-07-17T23:43:00.005+08:00

i hate being taken for granted

almost as much as i hate mouth ulcers.

the weekend will be better. =)

tgif.

2008-07-17T02:29:00.003+08:00

Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads and
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you’re shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold

Jason Mraz (feat. James Morrison) - Details in the Fabric
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ok. yes. i do know that no one actually reads the lyrics. but for those who do. they're actually temporarily helping me get thru another of my random emo states. so read it and listen to the song if ur emo too.

lol. thanks amos for posting it on ur blog. heh.

ayee. yyeah. so..

hmn.

-.-

i was about to say smth emo. but i realise that life hasnt really been that bad since the last time i blogged, and that i've really well. nothing much to complain about. but still. the nights are always emo somehow. havent really felt happy for sometime for some strange reason. i mean, yyeah! i have fun, i smile i laugh.. but.. aiyer.

this emoshit will disssapear. it'll go away again. it always does. =)

so.. anw.

i've been doing freelance! quite abit of it actually, and the pay's not exactly that good, but i guess its okay. :) building up my portfolio and doing smth productive while waiting for the army and all is loads better than working as a couch potato. =) ohyeah. i've been running too. and.. learning how to swim -.- sorta. heh.

was talkin to abby just now about how we sorta feel. stuck in the middle and out of place. friends all leaving for army, no stable job, us going to school so much when we should be leaving it behind, and how it's always awkward back in TP now. i guess.. kazumi's right about graduation. everything's differnt after awhile.

mayB i should start minding my own business a lil more a lil faster too. ahwell. DYB's almost over.

abby countered my *i know how you feel* tho. lol. she told me
"But you have Jingyuan and LL!"
lol. and yyeah! i do! whahahhas. ouh ouh and Amos and everyone else too please. lol. i think im actually incredibly extremly lucky to have got to know Pencils, VOS and the rest of the juniors. =) you guys dooo make a difference mindyou.
heh.

kk.
peekchures and all will be up soon.
and. i miss karen =( and abide2! AND CHURCHHHHH.. SATURDAY GUYSSSS SATURDAYY!! =D

2008-07-15T04:06:00.002+08:00

i should start blogging alot again.

wait. -.- ok.

i should start blogging alot.

-.-

2008-07-12T01:52:00.001+08:00

roar.

2008-06-25T01:28:00.006+08:00

sigh.

so i guess i reached too many too far too much for too long again this time.

xinyi's shoot
DYB
Nayang Vid
Zumi's make-up fashion shoot

never thought life would be like that after graduation. -.- just hope jobs stop coming. either that or i'll have to learn how to reject friends. im sorry guyss. its just my body cant take as much as it used to. lol.

im starting to feel old.

havent started learning to swim, havent started learning to drive, havent started training for NS and havent even started editing graduation or australia trip pics. seems like, life's moving to fast even for me to catch up with it. -.-

weird abrupt sidenote in the middle of my entry: this is not an emo post. its a rant. -.-

so yyeeahh. i did a 2 fashion shoots recently, and they're ubershit cool ones. =) can't say im totally satisfied with them, but i guess the exposure was good. =) and so is the feeling helping friend out yo! will post peekchures and all from the shoots up on my soontobe new DEVIANTART PAAAGGEEEE WOHOO. =)

DYB has also been going on for what seems to be like the longest time. although it's been fun. and rewarding. =) seeing how different people pose and react to the camera never fails to amuse me. and the plus point is that they have fun with their classes and all yo! cheering and laughing each other on. lol! jus hope those who couldnt make it during their course dates will come on thursday and friday.

so yyeah. 11-8pm days everyday, most days starting out with just amos and (sometimes caleb) and i setting up, and the same few people every night clearing up. trust me guys. im uber greatful for the lot of you. =) it's been a super tiring (so far) 6 days of shoot, but the banner looks set to be a hit. =) so i guess you could say im prettayy happy. lol!

just thatt.... all the shooting and carrying and stressing and blahblahs have kinda taken a toll on me.

i got sick. -.- and it sucks.

i've been neglecting the nanyang video simply coz i have well.. no time. and nothing in me left. past few days have been pretty much of hell on earth for me. -.- its hard to even begin to explain. and.. well yeah. im sorry abs and matt. i know i should be doing alot more.
but..
this time.. i just cant anymore.

try to understand.. k?

you other guys too! esp those helping me out with dyb. i know i've been a bitch. lol. and i shout and i scold and i well. basically been a bitch luh. -.- lol. so. just hit me the way LL does the nxt time i am. =P

------------------------------------------

im always like. busy. i dont ever know why. i thought it'd be different after gradudation. ya know? like. no school work and all anymore.

ahwell. seems as if the runway's a lil' clearer for landing again after this load of freelance and all. just one more vid in july for natt's mum. and then. i really think i should stop.
just. stop.
and be bored again..

sighs. hmn.

------------------------------------------

i learnt a lilbit of breakdancing tho. in the midst of hellweek. thanks wanting for that. =)
managed to watch getsmart, which was da bomb. laughed like crazee. LOL.
finally made it (tho i wa super late) for a programme outing. =) (we'll miss you val).

andd.. have a group of the bestest friends a 20 (shit im really that old) year old guy can ever hope to have. =) thanks for the care help ad concern. =) you guys know who you are.

------------------------------------------

REPLY TO TAGS WOHOO! (3 first)

Comment/tag with a "TOMU RAWKS" -yes you have to admit to it- ;D and i will,
1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - random, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Something that i really want to apologize about
7. In return, you donr have to (but SHOULD(duh)) post this in your LJ/blog

fionehneh

1. COZ YOU WERE MY FRESHIE! and fellow GL and fellow FA and fellow coursemate and fellow maincomm and fellow BS partner. ok i know i should let the fellow mellow. -.-

2. crazyshit laughter, mushrooms and funky hairdos.

3. you.. being my freshie and fellow GL and fellow FA and fellow coursemate and fellow maincomm and fellow BS partner and your crazyshit laughter, mushrooms and funky hairdos. LOL.

4. ironman. -.- with you and yeeshan and donson omg nightmare. lol.

5. WHY MUSHROOMS?

6. Sorry i dont rmb you that well as a freshie! and i thot u looked like *ahem*ahem*

1. COZ YOU'RE A CRAZYBITCH and i was super amused but ur bimbo-ness. i can relate girl. LOL. -.-

2. NIGHT OF FIRE! and ur crazy bursting into weird poses and the funniest times. lol!

3. YOUR HUMOUR! LIKE MAD. LOL. you never fail to make me laugh like shit please whahhas.

4. back when you were a subcomm in my group! SO QUIET OMGAWSH. lol! aye and ur bimbo cheer. forever etched in my memory lol.
5. Where'd you learn to be so retarded? =S and like. how come so white. and like. WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO MEAN.

6. Sorry for being a bitch. sometimes. BUT NOT AS MUCH AS YOU. BITCH.

Chrys
1. eh. i duno leh. DOC i guess? izit? eh no leh. ARGH. its a design school thing lah! lol. or.. mayB thru izak or amos. lol! REFRESH MY MEMORY YO.

2. COOLNESS. whahas you're damn cool. altough ur like. burnt. =S

3. hmn. ur maturity i guess. you're someone i feel i can talk to. =)

4. when we were sitting at the design entrace talking about ur um. ex. :S i dont know why, but that memoty sorta stands out for me. =P

5. What cca were you in in secondary school? =S AND WHY SO PRO IN DRAWING!!?!

6. Sorry for always piling you with work durin DYB...

2008-06-20T23:58:00.018+08:00

Comment/tag with a "TOMU RAWKS" -yes you have to admit to it- ;D and i will,

1. Tell you why I friended you.

2. Associate you with something - random, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.

3. Tell you something I like about you.

4. Tell you a memory I have of you.

5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.

6. Something that i really want to apologize about

7. In return, you donr have to (but SHOULD(duh)) post this in your LJ/blog

----------------------

JIAYI!

1. You were the girl making the noise at the back of the class with your bangles during scray uncle ronald's drawing essentials. and you were cute. lol

2. Eyeliner. :S lol. and waiting for heaters. =P

3. The way we can just talk about anything and make it the most interesting topic EVAAA. hekhek. aye and yes. your dress sense. that's 2 things!

4. hmn. it's hard to actually pick one. ouhouh! the week aft i came back from hokkaido and b4 u left! lol, we were getting each other uber excited. -.- LOL.

5. WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR SHOPPINK SPREES! ITS LIKE. GSS YO.

6. hmn.. the way i acted to you before. i guess you know what i mean. =)

KAZUMI!

1. Coz of abby and jiayi! NOTICEBOARD YO. =) and you were my GL. =P

2. JAPANESE. and cute stuff. lol

3. ur sweet sweet nature.

4. u imitating terrence's laugh LOL.

5. How long do you take to do ur makeup everyday? =S

6. Sorry for always promising to catch up but not having the time to. :(

BETSYBONG!

1. EH. I CANT RMB LEH. buttt... should be thru cousin. =D i was damn scared of you before please! coz you damn crazy. OH I RMB ALR. OPEN HOUSE OPEN HOUSE! LOL. U FORCED A BALOON ONTO MY HEAD PLEASE.

2. The cartoon character you look like, which up till now i still cant pinpoint. AND THE BOXY MSN BONG. =D

3. 10million please. lol. but i guess its probably how're you're always there to be my light at the end of the tunnel no matter what. =)

4. The first time caleb and i made u cry! coz we promised to go back lounge but couldnt.. lol. sorrayee..

5. How do you always smell so good. =S LOL.

6. Sorry for not always being there. :(

WOHOO!

By obligation. (coz kena force) -.-

2008-06-20T01:22:00.000+08:00

Comment/tag with a "TOMU RAWKS" -yes you have to admit to it- ;D and i will,

1. Tell you why I friended you.
2. Associate you with something - random, a song, a colour, a photo, etc.
3. Tell you something I like about you.
4. Tell you a memory I have of you.
5. Ask something I've always wanted to know about you.
6. Something that i really want to apologize about
7. In return, you donr have to (but SHOULD(duh)) post this in your LJ/blog

WOHOO!

a hero

2008-06-20T00:03:00.010+08:00

dont think i've been though anything..

as heartwrenching or sad.

it's a horrible thing. like zumi said in her blog. sending a friend off and knowing you'll never see him again. Seeing, hearing and feeling his family's sorrow and loss.

Clifton. there were enough poeple there that day to make one whole FOC. lol. it will be different without you, not being able to discuss nxt year's programme comm's skills and how we can help them improve. Visiting camps without my good old programme mentor is just something i dont even want to imagine. You have been the light for me and so so so many others. And that's how we'll all always remember you yeah?

When we all sang the TP school song with you one last time before they sent you off i just kept remembering the times you were still here, singing your heart out with the rest of us. Your smile was always one that brought joy to those around you. Singing it that afternoon knowing that we'd never see that smile agian.. is just a feeling so extreme that can only be felt and not put into words.

Your mother came to speak to the crowd of us just aft we finished and she told us that she was proud of you, and that she's happy to know that her Clifton had so many friends. i couldnt understand some of it, coz she spoke in chinese. But what she said just made so so many of us break. you did leave a legacy behind yo. and we're all proud of you.

And so is Singapore. lol. in a way. :) seemed as if the whole frigging army was there at mandai luh. with the band, the ppl with the rifles and all. a sending off worthy of a hero. =)

aye. Clifton. there will come a time when we will probably smile and laugh again as before we heard the new about your passing, there will be a time for laughs and jokes again, but know this. we will never forget the joy that YOU brought to us, and how you had faith in so many of us when others did not, we will feel sad (like, extremely) when we think about you, and how you could actually be laughing with us, but then we will smile again, coz we know that you arnt the kind who would want anyone to be sad, especially if it's coz of you. You were always a person who had hope in people, and one who was always there for us. And that's who you will continue in our hearts. k?

Just as we all shouted for you during ur very last few moments, we will shout together now that you will always always be loved and missed, and remembered as our hero.

thankyou Clifton.

i wouldn't be who i am now if not for you.

thank you for everyone who was there for me over the past week. it really helped me through the period in case ur thinking it didnt. i love you all. =)

Here's a message from yilin, Clifton's girlfriend of three years, for those who didnt get it;

Thank you all for the past 4 days. I'll be strong because i know Clifton would want me to. I guess it's another painful lesson learn, esp heartwrenching one for me, he said he'll be back but he never will... treasure and love the ones around. Don't take anyone for granted. Love you all very much.

CHECK THIS OUWT!

2008-06-17T01:37:00.008+08:00

Design Studies Club is back with another OTT (it means over the top) event! The DESIGN YEAR BANNER will be a collective collage of photos (with crazyshit expressions and poses) design students from all years and courses put together into one uber-large canvas and will be placed at the design entrance. Apart from showing other schools what we are, the Design Year Banner will also be the first such event where everyone chooses to come together and show how we at design are so much more than just a family.
So watcha u waiting for?! Grab your friends and bring your extreme expressions down to the space between the design LTs from the 17th-27th June at two time slots; 1-3pm and 4-7pm to get your place on the biggest collective collage to ever hit TDS!

We reserved a spot for you. =D

Also, a COURSE POSTER consisting of photosquares (that’s what we’ll call it from now on ya) of all your course mates will be sold at the low low price $6 (that’s zero-profit for us) will also be available for you to purchase. Be it whether you choose to keep it as a souvenir, a poster on your wall, or just something to remember you friends by, it’s something that will definitely be worth keeping. Its not everyday that you get an offer like that! Just DSC’s way of saying thanks, for being the coolest. =)

feel free to direct any questions to any DSC maincomm. =) and.....

SPREAD THE WORD YO! xD

a project proudly brought to you by Design Studies Club

2008-06-12T01:15:00.004+08:00

we dont know how to react
we dont know what to feel
we dont know what to do
what to say
how to take it
how to believe it

i have so many convos open, but everyone remains silent.
it's too unfair.
it doesnt hit me. but the memories do.

prog back in year one
the nice guy
the great teacher
the one who always takes the fall for us
the picture that im looking at right now on my table

in year two
your infamous wet sloppy kisses
the talks late into the night
you always being there for elene and xiuhui

your card game during subcomm camp
your frequent visits back to school
our promises to catch up
your devotion to always being there for us
our random meeting at safti

i still can't believe it. i refuse to. i know it to be true. but i want so much for one idiot to come along and tell me it was just all one big prank, and get one more sloppy kiss from you again.

Clifton, you have changed my life, and so many others'. You were a blessing to us all.
Rest in peace my dear friend.
your memory will live on in us till we join you.

2008-06-11T23:57:00.001+08:00

please dont let it be true

please.

untitled.

2008-06-11T22:46:00.001+08:00

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

2008-06-09T16:34:00.008+08:00

hello you. =)

with love from aussieland. =)

2008-06-04T09:23:00.013+08:00

3rd (or is it the 4th?) day is aussie and boy i tell you, has it been one helluva expereince. From the riding in the A380 (which really wasnt anything great, apart from the crazzy movies), to living in this huge ass-dunnohowtheymakemoney hotel with a 71st floor view of sydney.

to this pasar-malam like market which i think the designers would just fall in love with,

to the many many different art fairs, long long walks in the nicely chilled (huh? lol) weather, andd... the FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD!!!!! the simple fish markets, the quality sushi, and the fine dining promises a fatter (likemad) tomu back in singapore. xD hekhek.

(just look at my bro's spastic over-satisfied face) LOL. ok kiddingkidding. =P

and OH OH OH.

SKYDIVING. lol its crazyshit. like. really. really really really really. LOL. jumping out of a plane and realising (while spinning upside down like a madmonster) that ur actually in.. well.. the sky, flying. is just like. =S LOL. a.. WTH expereince. xD xD xD WOHOO!!! LOL. i've got a dvd! will show you guys as soon as i get back. xD xD

anw! that's the end of my short lil' update. more to come once i get back! =)

this entry is dedicated especially to my favourate pencils H and HB and to betsybong. =)

tomu. out!

p.s: i know school's starting for the designers... and it might pretty well suck since we all had a blast over the hols, but hey! who says you cant enjoy school as well right? it IS after all spending time with the same people you did with over the hols! =) so bring that partay spirit to your work guys! and make sure i dont come back to emobongs! xD cyah guys soon! WOHOO.

nights of fire and bigass jetplanes

2008-05-29T23:08:00.015+08:00

All my bags are packed I'm ready to go
I'm standin' here outside your door
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye
But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn
The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn
Already I'm so lonesome I could die

that's one uber emo song. -.- BUT YAH. ALL MY BAGS ARE PACKED YO! hekhek. the rest of the stanza is just rubbish,
1) coz im actually sitting at home in front of my overused underpaid and old lappy,
2) im not waking anyone up (cept probably this dusty blog),
3) it soo is not the "early morn",
4) taxis dont blow horns in Singapore, they call you up on your handphone and hit with their crazyshit arsenal of vulgarities.

anddd..

im so seriously anything but lonesome. =S

and no, i still havent found a girlfriend yet. -.-

BUT I HAVE MORE CRAZY FRIENDS THAN YOU DO! *NGHHHH* <-- (it's the me sticking out my tongue at you sound) LOL. Past few weeks (or more like months) have been mad mad mad MAD. Probably one of the many many reasons why i didn't get the chance to blog. =P and yyeah! i AM REALLY leaving Singapore for awhile. To melbourne, sydney! hekhek, so if i dont come back splattered from skydiving (YESAH), expect many goodies! Let me know if you guys want like.. dead kangaroo, wombat eyes or like platypus' snout or smth. and yeah. you all better attend my funeral if by some freak accident i die and bits of me land on some australian windsheild.

-----------------------------------------

SO YAH. NEW BLOGSKIN, NEW BLOG ENTRY, and might i say, i'm leading a relatively new life too. =D i've GRADUATED! OFFICIALLY! lol! and with a big bang at the end of that too! xD ever had the feeling sometimes? like.. a bit of baseless guilt, coupled with this slight uncontrollable happiness, and a crazyshit load of euphoria? yup. that's me. Since the last time i blogged, the world changed. lol. FOC, DOC and my brithday happened, heh. which, i will talk about in my nxt entry. what followed was madmonsterking funess too. xD the countless random stayover laptop parties, weirdo out-of-nowhere outings to out-of-nowhere places doing out-of-nowhere things (para-para for one), DOTC (its a chalet), more stayovers, graduation and elections! heh. *phew* breathless just from saying it all out. lol. and those were just the major ones. =) yes, its been fun. hekhek.

SO YYEAH. DOTC (Design.OrTogether.Chalet <- Credits to Tomu and Izak for the weird but ubercool name!) turned out the be the coolest chalet EVERRR yo! lol! From the checking in pretending that we were overseas, the impromtu Jam&Hops, the seemingly corny-ly perfectly planned amazing race, the manymany drunks, to early morning (weight is beautiful) breakfasts, random mass movie screenings, para para arcade adventures, and a 200 pax bbq, plus a scary visit to redhouse coupled with a crazy carride AND followed by MANU WINNING THE BLOODY CHAMPIONS LEAGUE AND WINNING AND DOUBLE WHILE THE WHOLE CRAZY COFFEE SHOP WOKE THE WHOLE NEIGHBOURHOOD UP and finally watching the skyrise from the chalet balcony with the survivors, DOTC was one chalet unlike any other yo! i'll let the peekchures do the talking. xD

Alfa just before setting off for the amazing race! Check out the damn cool clue design by Amos and the impromtu comm yo! xD Dress code was secondary skoo PE shirts! WOHOO!

Alfa again awaiting amazing race results on our amazing race matt. =P

FRANDAVEL! lol! we even had some of the GLs making alliances! xD hekhek

O-T-T-O-TO O-T-T-OH!

Even had an impromtu photoshoot. lol.

and we watched the sunrise!

And rules for the chalet! this just one of the many many pasted all ard our 2 chalets. =)

and finally not forgettingggg......

THE DRUNKARDS! PEARLYN AND IZAK! whahahhas! aiz got punch drunk too but no videos! lol! SO YAHH. =D it was alll gooood. lol

MORE DETAILS FOR CHALET ON IZAK OR LINNY'S BLOG! GO CHECK IT OUT K! DAMN COOL DAMN COOL. =D

-------------------------------------------------

Graduation was just a day after DOTC +1 (which was spent staying up designing cousin's poster), and we all had to put on these weird harry potter-like robes.

as such.

and go through this uber formal graduation thingy. WHICH, was pretty cool actually. lol! cant believe i was like so nervous that my hands were shaking just before going up to collect my diploma. lol! but i guess it all marked a super uber important day in our lives; the final official official ending of our three years of blood, sweat, tears, laughs and euphoria. ok so no one cried, but i guess we all really did feel a tinge or sadness, mayB even a bit of fear for what we left behind and what's to come. I hope our batch served as an inspiration to all those who will come after us. =) so. au revoir juniors. go further and soar higher than all of us oldies.

Post-grad party was semi-awesome. lol. taxi ride to airport for popeye's and "attempt-at-zouk-but-ending-up-in-fashionbar" with imd lecturers aft that was real cool too. xD

---------------------------------------------

Woke up early in the morning but late for a super long day feeling uber tired and with a throbbing headache. But Del Mar with WonkaYAYA still rawked like shoke yo! whahahas! though the music was crazyshit loud and irritating and everything was just uber atas like mad. heh.

PEEKCHURES!

Prettaye AMA!

Prettaye CIA CIA!

PRETTAYE BOYS AND GURLS WOHOO!

CRAZY PEOPLE DO CRAZY THINGS IN ATAS ATAS PLACES. xD

lol! so yyeah! after a million years, meeting up withmy fav freshies still rawked as if we never really left wonka. :) thanks for a super chill chilling session you guys. lol

--------------------------------

HILLSONGS WAS STRAIGHT AFTER! With Ama, Izak, JingYuan and LiLin! whahahas! we faced like. 1000382473846348765348965 problems and last minute lack of tickets and being too late and all, but by God's grace (like really really) we made it to expo! With good tickets, good seats, and in good time! =D

You know how they say some things you can never really put into words? well. this is crazier. Hillsongs United really shook the earth from under our feet and probably changed the lives of many many who were there. The holy spirit just.. flowed loh. everywhere. =) like esp during the first half of worship. From the time they came of stage, to the time they got off, i could really just embrace His pressence like i've probably never really did before. =) The songs were da bomb too, with the older ones like "one way", to songs from the newer album like "from the inside out" and "hosanna". =) we worshiped like. from. 6:30 to 10:30 and just when we thought it was all gonna end, the lead said "WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!" LOL!

then they played all the super uber high songs and like OMIGAWSH SERIOUSLY. AHHHH!!!! whahahhas! THINKING ABOUT IT JUST GETS ME CRAZY ALL OVER AGAIN! xD
i just hope God spoke to LL and JY too. =)

We had supper at this super random hongkong place and boy i tell you, i dont think i've laughed so much at one single supper session before up till that day. LOL. RAWKS PLEASE! =D whahhahas! LL with her *having a pose for every situation*, JingYuan with her weird tongue and even stranger split-personality, and izak and ama just fueling to everything. LOL!

SO THAT'S IT YO! Just ONE WEEK of what you missed from Tomu's post-grad life! hekhek. most of which spent with my fellow pencils;

H (a.k.a LILIN) - Who is this crazy atfirst quiet, then became bimbo but now just this ball of neverending humour has just been like this crazyshit madmonster girl who's super white (hence the nickname), likes DARK (huh?) chocolate and is super bimbo/bitchy/vain BUT still one of my lovely lovelies! whahahas! BITCH. SHOW EVERYONE MY WEIRD PICTURES.

HB (a.k.a JINGYUAN) - Who has this out of the world MAMA-SAN personality (which i will dedicate one whole blog entry to once im back from auzzie land), and is UBER funny when she goes into it. lol! other than that, she's just... mean. and has a long tongue. LOL! NO LAH. SHE'S TOTALLY LIKE THE MY SASSY GIRL GIRL LOL! cept +aunty flavour. hekhek! BUT still one of my lovely lovelies. ;) YOU'RE DAMN CUTE WOHOO! she likes cookies and cream.

heh.

life rawks.

CYAH GUYS ON THE 9TH! xD

p.s: credits and many many many thanks to fifi for staying up and all to do my taggyboardd. xD

2008-04-14T03:23:00.001+08:00

7 days of camp.

the last 7 with the SU peeps ended seemingly before it even began. can't believe the days are gone.

will update about camps and birthday surprises right aft i get back from DOC. =)

2008-04-06T13:31:00.011+08:00

OK. I KNOW.

so i haven't blogged in 10 years. WELL.

i've BEEN BUSY. *sticksouttongue*

LOL! YEEAHH! so for those of you who know... FYP'S OFFICIALLY OVAAAAAAA. No more planning, no more crazyshootdays, no more editting AND NOT EVEN A LIL' BIT OF DIPLOMA SHOW LEFT TO DO! WOHOO!!! whahahahahs! all that's left is actually just well... graduation.
=(

Why the sad face you ask? well like duh i'm happy fyp's over for good, but it being over, also very well means that school's over. yeurps. that's right. three years. THREE YEARS, of crazy projects, crazier project groups, super memorable friends, the good times and the emo ones.. They're finally also coming to an (very abrupt) end. But well! i guess i can't really complain can i? The times i had, the friends i made, PLUS HOW I'M ENDING IT OMG! lol! talk about going with a bang. =D heh.

well! as much as im not really proud about my fyp and yada yada, i managed to get an A, which... i guess i should be happy about. =) but that ain't just it! ITS THE CAMPS MANNNN (and DND).. =D lol! the past two weeks (and the next two to come) have just been madmonsterking kindda craziness bonkeressness. LOL! with D&D, DOTC2(!) and the Business nightwalk, delivering packages, insane mass DOTC outings and even the countless latenight mass convos! lol! not forgetting FOW and FOC, FOLLOWED by DOC alllll starting like.. TODAY, in 2 hours LOL OMIGOSHHH!! lol!

now who could ask for a more exciting end to 3 equally exciting years. heh.

ok MAN. i know, i'm starting to sound like a total patriot and weirdo to some of you guys. but like seriously. like SERIOUSLLYY. TPrawks my socks more than um um. whisky on the rocks? =S LOL. heh. yyeah.

=D D&D was DA BOMB, =D lol! ok so mayB the emcee was a lil notasfunnyaslastyears, BUT WHO CARES OMG. THE COMPANY IS CRAZYSHIT MAD FUN. LOL! everyyyonee dressed reallayeee nice and we all had a serious ball of a time! =D (gettit? BALL? of a time? BALL? LOL) -.- ok. i'll just let the picture do the talking. we were doing the design cheer to call for a design group photo. DAMN COOL RIGHT. =D

so.. DOTC2.
was crazy. heh. like.. my first time seriously leading a full-fledged camp group as an FA, and i've gotta tell you, it's a thrilling expereience. everyone in ALFA is just like. woah. heh. the 3days in camp were just unlike any other experience i had guys. =) and im proud to say that i've got each and every single one of you on macson's and my team! WOHOO. heh.

GO ALFA! =D

Of course.. not forgetting the maincomm! lol! omigosh big as we may be. i think that everyonee did a fantabulous job. *clapsx10* =) lol! from the efficient welfare oppening doors, to the crazy log decorations on resident evolution, to the crazyfastlearner year one programmers, camp exco, and finally, MY FAVOURATE FAs. =) YYEAH! lol! this vid by amos and i is for you guys! =D

heh. so yeah. =) DOTC2 rawked bigtime many many. we did many many crazyshit mad damn paisei things, and had many many fun. =) we skipped, we nightwalked, we laughed, caleb cried, but what i definetly will remember in years to come, IS OMG THE BIMBO-NESS! LOL!

and.. for every bimbo posse, there needs to be a bimbo queen right? INTRODUCINGGGGG..

LI LIN! whahhas and that's just the shorter version! lol! she'd murder me if i posted the full cheer. hekhek! she's a natural please! don't believe? watch the video again. lol!

soooo.. yyeah! that's about it! =) then we had nightwalk with business, which was fun as usual, then we spent the next few days packing and sending out orientation packages (i went with cockboy amos, strengely it was fun) lol! and then our outing where we watched super unscary horror shows and had fun at swensens and YUPS! here i am now! :P lol!

i'll upload many many more vids and photos of camps once im back! so if you liked what you saw, up there, lol keep watching this space! =D

TILL THEN, SICKLIKEMADBOY IS OFF TO CAMP WOHOOO!

Tomu, OUT! =D

p.s: i have nooo idea why there's this like. picture under the videos. BUT I GOTTA GO SO NO TIME TO FIX. please imagine u didn't see it. WOHOO! =D

2008-03-18T03:06:00.005+08:00

I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

Because of you - Kelly Clarkson

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's one.. bloody sad song. sigh

and a fitting one.

sorry.

2008-03-15T03:12:00.003+08:00

so.. i'm tired. veryveryveryvery. lol.

but sometimes. i just wish i could be tired coz of me. hmn.

ANW. i saw my eyecandy today (droolslikemad). and am temporarily happy again. xD

2008-03-14T02:43:00.000+08:00

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PEJG PEGOIEHGOIHG OIH GOIRH RG
PO;G;UR

OEIRHGEROIHG;ODIR HGOIERH!!!! :oih :!iu !:iub!ilbukYV IDUGH ;DOIU ;OI HG;E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-03-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

who dont come who die.

2008-03-11T01:47:00.002+08:00

Ranting sessions with betsybong. Rock. xD

2008-03-05T00:53:00.001+08:00

i've been there and back again too much.

2008-02-24T20:25:00.006+08:00

LOL. shit it's been sometime since i got this excited over someone else's. um.. surprise-ment. =S lol. ay! hope it all went well and all please. whahahahhahas. won't mention names to protect privacy. ;)

ANW. i finally know what it feels like to be a SAS BARBATUS. LOL. pig la. -.- the barbatus part is just uberfunny. lol. but yeah! so like. i spent today sleeping the number of hours i'm normally awake, and the amount of hours im normally asleep, awake. -.- the rest of the time in between? was spent overeating. xD

i should do something. um. more productive. -.- lol.

2008-02-21T21:20:00.003+08:00

- Then live the rest of our life,But not together. -

can't believe i'm back here. after the past four of probably the craziest months of my life. never thought the end would come, but yet.. it looks like i've come full circle (lol). mind you, it isn't easy learning how to enjoy life again.

so.. here i am, sitting cross-legged and concentrating. Listening to my newly formed "emo" playlist on windows media player and finally setting aside time to pen my21grams down on to this blank (but soon to be filled) space.

"heaven" by DJsammy plays not-so-loudly (don't want to wake my parents up) in the background.
lol, the secondary school song we all used to think would be forever evergreen. heh. SECONDARY SCHOOL. -.- doesn't seem so far back, but when you actually sit down to think about it (like i am now), it's been a full three years. i think back to when we left Broadrick, but then i'm stopped by the realisation that soon it'll be TP that we'll be leaving.

Three years. Gone by in a flash. And i know it's probably a lil' bit too early to go emo over it. i mean, it's not so bad right? It's only the best i ever had. lol.

It's impossible enough to put even a day into words, let alone three years of the things i've learnt, the fun we shared and the relationships we've all forged. BUT, if i would actually try.. ogvndizughlhdbkcmnblkcjnblklsdgn;zs!!!!!!!!!!! would be the one word to descibe it all (yes, it's a exclamation!) lol.

sigh... heh. so yeah. i can actaully feel life in TP finally coming to an end. and im telling you, no matter how emotionless i may seem to the lot of you, i can tell you it's hurting more than u can imagine to leave.

------------------------------------------------

on a.. BRIGHTER note. =D lol. -.- as in, its a really damn bright note. lol.

FYP'S OVERRR!!!!!!! JSGH KJSDGHKDFUGH RDUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WOHOOOOOOOOOOOO! LOL. OK I KNOW THIS COMES DAMN LATE, AND U'VE ALREADY READ IT FROM MOST OF THE SENIOR'S BLOGS. BUT.

I DONT CARE.

WOHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL!

CHEER FOR ME PLEASEEE!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

LOL. trust me, the relief is many many. =D i guess everything went pretty.. okay i guess. =) not really happy with my final product, coz i know that i could've done better x10, but still! i'm just happy its all over, and that it still sorta came out.. well.. whole. =S heh. will burn a dvd copy soon for u guys to watchh. =) whahhahas.

i guess it was a pretty good expereience luhh. we all saw everyone's bad hairdays, and good ones, we shared the happytimes, the kan jiong times, and the death defying one. heh. i believe it's safe to say that it was more of an adventure than just a plain project. lol. i just wanna say... that the biggest thing (and most valuable lesson) i've learnt through this, is that friends are everything.

Guys (and gals); those who constantly stubbronly pushed me to do my word day after day, literally helped me out during production, or aided me in anyway at all, you guys know who you are. i owe you my thanks (and so much more). =)

xoxo. many many hugs and kisses from tomu to you! lol. i would've become a soggy cabbage if not for people like you. =P

lol. so for now. study hard, be good, and stayyy in sckoooolllll. ;)

heh! more to come in my next post! look forward to it! =)

2008-02-09T18:34:00.000+08:00

i know how it feels.

and if it's even remotely the same, i'm sorry.

2008-01-20T11:24:00.000+08:00

i poured my breakfast cereal onto a plate. -.-

LOL.

i think i need a break.

and even though its probably my millionth time hearing it, this made my cry.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Lord let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
Is to bring You praise
From the inside out
Lord my soul cries out

Inside out - Hillsongs United

and.. Yuting, Lynette, Shaz, Adrain and my cast and crew. thanks so much. =)

2008-01-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

-edit added-

friends dont just make my life, they save it from time to time too. i know i was probably too messed up in my mind to show any gratitude at any particular time today.

but really guys. i'm rarely ever moved so much.

Caleb - For sticking by me the whollleee crazy friking 62 shot day. i know you were tiredtothemax before we even began the day, but still you were my key girp, soundman, production manager, runner and so much more for the most of the day. im sorry to have squeezed you so dry, but really. without you... -.- yeah. lol

kaZOOMI - My this GL never ever fails to make an impact in my life everytime i see her. you devoted so much of your time and effort to my production and never asked for anything in return. Put so much effort and skillZ into the makup, and yet still let me rush you like mad. zumi, you're really an exceptional makup-artist and worker. AND you're damn good with kids. REALLY. lol! ay, on top of that you also my prodution photographer. LOL. loves lahhhh. =D oh and please okayy kazumi. you'll always, always ALWAYS be a part of TP and TP a part of you, so next time, dont think. come only. xD

Abigail - After a crazyshit long day you still rushed down with the heavy tracks, took our crazy bad attitudes, and did an amazing job. im really (as in REALLY) sorry i had to get u to run such an errand for me, but abby, i really thank God ur part of my crew. xD did i tell you? im damn impressed by the way you worked during my last shoot! whahahs. so jiayou abs, you have it in to be be greater than great. =)

Matthew - Wahlao there really aint much like SGBOYS. xD lol. THIS BOYYY. ran marathon for me. lol! i know that in my most desperate times, matthew is always someone i can put my trust in. Matt may be an ass and kok combined at times, but i tell you, he'll be with you to drag you out of the shit u get urself into. heh. thanks matthew. and SGBOYZX 4EvAXZXxxx. heh.

Jams - for the battery. LOL you effectively saved my life luh. xD i owe you one life. =P

SU peeps - ending the day with you guys never fails to put a smile on my face no matter what my day was like. To Sarah for being a lifesaver, Ronald for his funnyshit, John for being my cousin, Betsybong for being my bestest latenightconvomate =D, Lynette for being there, and the rest of SU. The love you've been showing caleb and i is really earth shattering. heh. SU wouldn't be what it is if not for everysingleone of you, and TP wouldn't be the same for me and for everyone else if not for what SU is. heh. xD thanks guys.

God - hello. lol! He has been there, just as if he's not only my 3rd crew member today, but also my weather man. He made it sunny when i need sun, and rain when i needed rain, and when i so happend to have needed a shot with just a slight drizzle, there it was. Everything today (actually most of my life too) has been a testimony of his greatness and love. People say im damn lucky, but i'd like to tell them, im lucky to have God. =P they don't call him that for nothing i must tell you. lol.

so yeah. FYP.
like abby (hope you dont mind) said in her blog:

all the anxiety and unpredictable trauma
its putting our passions to the test
will we be able to stand firm in front of all
or will we waver and doubt ourselves

although one has fallen
i hope for it not to be the same for the rest

add oil people
lets get through this..
together

If you think FYP's difficult, think harder.

We'll get through this together peepsple. =)

a proper entry will come soon. in the meantime, jessybessyy.livejournal.com (hope you don't mind too! =P) for the countdown party post. =P

--edit start--

OH YEAHH.. TPOH08. it came and went just like that. :( and..

sigh. it sucks i could only be there for a day for my last OH. And i didn't even get to meet my rawkers! =((

i dont get... why i just cant do what i wanna do sometimes ya know? i know it's uberly childish, but it seems to me that every minute (or second) i spend with my friends in tp now are just.. too precious to be wasted. just a few weeks till i unofficially grad.

i hateee thisss......

--edit end--

2007-12-31T18:33:00.000+08:00

Can't believe i'm looking at the last sunset of 2007. LOL. wahlao that's a damn emo phrase. BUT EH. REALLY LEH. its uber sad.

for the first ever time since i can remember. im actually scared of next year. -.- in four months i'll be leaving TP, and i can tell you, that's probably gonna be the suckiest things i'd ever have to go through. The events, the camps, the groups, the projects, design school, SU, the good times and bad, and most importantly the friends. I never really ever thought of life in TP coming to an end, but now that it's just (officially) four months away, i'm seriously dreading it (although i want fyp to end like NOW). lol.

so yeah... my new year entry will come soon, tgt with the usual resolutions, commitments and stuff. but for now. thank you, everyone. no matter who you are. if you're reading this, it probably means i matter enough (either that or u damn k-po =P) to you, and i wanna extend my heartfelt x10 thanks for making 2007, the happiest year ever.

happy new 2008 peepsple. xD

cheers to auld lang syne.

2007-12-29T02:33:00.000+08:00

a thrilling chase, a wondrous place, for you and me

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

BANGBUISHKABABOOMIBILNEKANASCIIEPANXZBVIOMVXBNBAMUEAHHH!

you know they say.. shit happens?

above is the sound when big shit hits a fan.

talk about emo mannn. :( E.M.O.

it just so happens, im a brilliant shit cleaner. heh. i'm here for each and everyone of you guys luh k. if you're even reading this. =) you know you guys are my favourate.

matthew... hai x2. one for you and one for me. lol.

and...

sorry caleb. and lynette.

i owe you two... so much more

2007-12-28T02:03:00.001+08:00

i think i lost myself

.again -.-

2007-12-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

its over.

the last ever OTC for me in TP.

lol. shit damn emo. -.- whahahhahs. okokok.

ANW. OTC'S OVERRRR!!! WOHOOOO!!! ok, mayB part of me misses the camp, but after all the worrying before and during camp, it being over... supposedly means focus on FYP. BUTTTTTTT..... (we'll talk about the but later)

-----------------------------------------------------

ok. so. otc. Went... better than i expected. :) hahhas. this batch.. (like xiuhui says) kindda actually reminds me of the times we were back in year one. won't say anymore. BUT, guys, programmers, friends, family (sial), i know i seemed a lil'.. um. scary at times, and i acknowledge that i probably gave off that um. aura. =S lol! BUTTT (wahlao this is a damn butty post) im actually quite a funloving guy once you get to know me. =) it's just that i really really wanted to best best best from you guys, and i want to say that i can see most of you really put in your all, whether it was to improve, to teach or to learn, im proud to say im proud of all of you. =) let's rawk FO please.

ON ANOTHER NOTE (not fa but so), it was the shoke to see the friends floating ard camp. Seeing them, be it at my stations, while teaching hand signs, massdance or even the short periods after baths at the sportshall always had a way of making my day. =) thanks for listening to my rants, giving me valuble feedback and encouraging smses. =) SU rawks.

-----------------------------------------------------

oh. yeah. i almost forgot...

MERRY CHRISTMAS PEEPSPLE! xD LOL! WOHHOOO!! SO ACTUALLY, THAT'S WHY MY FYP'S BEEN STALLINGGG. =P but it's all for a good reason i guess. =) so. we had the usual. celebrations everywhere and gifts a plenty, both ways. thanks for all the cards guys. =)

anww..

im suddenly really tired. so. i shall continue soon! =)
merry Christmas people.

2007-12-16T02:51:00.000+08:00

this is the cool. wait till the middle. heh.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

heh. Drinking session with matthew rawks. Needed (even if it was just for a few hours) time to actaully just sit down, mellow, emo and complain. heh.

so anw! CAMP STARTS TOMORROW! WOHOOO! It's surely gonna a a helluva adventure for all of us, and i guess i AM quite excited, despite everything. hope i'll get the chance to learn more, meet more, scream more, laugh more and maybe cry a lil AND GET A GIRLFRIEND OMG. heh.

LAST OTC. HERE I COME.

2007-12-12T23:30:00.000+08:00

tell me that did't make you smile and i'll tell you you're either...

1) Lying

2) Emo beyond rescue

3) Weird

heh. cutest thing everrr. xD creds to Maybelin pulling me up on the way down. and BETSYBONG. latenightconvo friend rawks. really. =)

anyway.

Did any of you guys actually ever check out the lyrics for hey there delilah? it's damn romantic.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bleh. Sigh. you ever get the feeling sometimes where u just wanna sulk and be in your ownnn world? like for, just one day?

im feeling it now. -.- Betsy's friend says guys have pms once every three months. lol. maybe this is the day. heh. i have theories on what's bothering me, and right now it seems like it makes a whole load of sense to be pissed off/sad over the things im referring to, but im sure that tomorrow when i read this post again i'll think i was (or right now, am) really dumb. -.-

Maybe it's coz its december again.

December is darkest and June is the light,

but this empty bedroom won't make anything right

so says the song... *shrugs* lol. Decembers and Januarys always seem to suck. -.- i blame the rain. lol.

OTC's comin, the year3's last (sorry guys, didn't mean to remind you =P) i realised recently. Can't say im looking forward to it, but then again, i never really anticipated any camp that much till the camp itself, i just hope... im right about this one too.

Sometimes... i sorta wish i were born a lil' more selfish.

2007-12-08T17:06:00.000+08:00

LOL. cock to the max the video is. check out the needless swaying of the girl please! lol! and the um. face of the guy. DAMN BAD omgoodness, but i laughing like mad now. LOL. -.- the song's not that bad la anw. take a look! =)

ppffft. some hectic week this one was. Glad to say tho, interim one's finally over. Presented my story idea and stuff, guess i could've done better, but considering how last minute i was i guess i should be content with what i had.

FYP's is still the stress, tho i've FINALLY (yes finally) finished my first draft of the script. oh oh! i.. kindda need some help with that. lol! you see, the lecturer actually told me to get as many ppl as i can the read it, and see what they think. SO, if you're reading this, please pm me on msn to ask for a copy. =D rawks thanks. lol.

so like i was saying, i caught up (sorta), but at the expense of my sleep -.-. lol. im sure you're already sick from hearing about my sleepless nights, but i think this was the worst so far. -.- 5am nights for 3 days, and a 15min naponthewaytoschool the day before the actual presentation. LOL. AND, that's just the start of the fyp. lol! wish me luck. -.-

------------------------------------

watched 2 shows in 2 days. Golden Compass and Hitman lol. both of which... sucked. -.- lol! ok luh, maybe hitman wasn't THAT THAT bad, save for some of the really cheesy lines that were used, but Golden Compass was just... ugh. -.- lol!

ANW! hitman was aft GREENIES outing, which was pretty fun even though most of the rawkers didn't turn up. -.- lol! played games and all at tampines mall, got to see the few that came again, even if it was for awhile. =) hope they allll come to TP man. lol.

OH! and i bought my very own Rubik's Cube. -.- LOL. nerd ok i know. but its frikkkinn cool everytime u solve it. xD

------------------------------------

So yeah, that's the update on my life so far, im losing my touch on blogging i know, but i just cant help feeling blogging isn't as easy as it used to be. lol! maybe its a lack of inspiration, or maybe coz i've got loads less emo pangs now then i did then. =S quite sad actually. LOL.

ttz like being emo coz im not emo. -.-

k next.

lemme illustrate. heard the scientist on my ipod the other day, and it's like. one of the three songs that always always get to me, but for some strange reason at that time it was just some other song. =S ok im not making sense i know. But those of you who understand, you get what i mean right? lol.

so i'm wondering, does that mean i'm leading a happier life now?

post will end ubruptly here. sorry.

2007-11-28T22:19:00.000+08:00

Got this from someone else's blog, don't really know what the malay means, but doesnt it make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?

guess i kinda miss that feeling.

2007-11-27T01:33:00.000+08:00

i think the song's damn cute. lol.

AND I WAS ON MTV. AND I DIDNT WATCH! AHHH. :( how.

oh. and i failed my pft (physical fitness test). sorta. Got gold grades for everything, cept my 2.4. so. yeah. emo as hell. timing was 6mins slower than my best in sec4. am super demoralised, and super angry (at myself). lol. retest for all stations again on fridayyyyy.

wish me luck. and give me power to run. -.-

2007-11-19T01:08:00.000+08:00

AHH. im finally blogging. =D gave up trying to force myself to do my fyp and all (for just 20mins). lol! my lecturers tell me im the slowest in like. MY COURSE. -.- and that i'd better speed things up.. but i don't know why i just cant! =S it's not like theres gunbound (tt was during the O's) or dota, or even the xbox to distract me.. it's just that I CAN'T FOCUSS!!!! whahahas. no idea what's going on, but i do know that i need to start doing SOMETHING before i effectively fail my fyp for lazing around. -.- heh.

So friends! and family, please do continue to encourage (notice i didn't say nag =P) me and pray for my unfocusable mind. lol. =)

so anyhow, on a incredibly brighter bright note, is TPRAWKS! lol! (it's a name of an event btw, but yes, tp really rawks).

ANW. =P it was basically like a major over the top and back again tour of TP for sec4 students of life (both academic and campuslife) in TP. But to me (or more like us), it was so so much more than just that. lol! the bonds we all formed with each other, the things the rawkers found out about the school, and the fun (yes the crazyshit fun) we allll had made it extra extra special for both the rawkers and the leaders. =)

and yes, i had to juggle my fyp deadlines DURING tprawks itself, which meant 3 days of camp, each day followed by work till 4am, and then back to school again at 7:30. =) but like i said, (i did say it earlier right?) it was well worth it. xD

Here's to the ones that made it that much special-ler for me,

DOIcee (realname, Dolyce): my favouratest PL! lol! don't know what i would've done without you (and your tatoos on my arms) to keep me going those 3 crazzyyyy days. Like i said before, i see a great GL in you, and i hope that u'll do us all (urself included) proud come OTC and FO. much loves! =D

WaiHong: It was great working with you! lol. and congrats on getting in OTC. :) look forward to working with you again someday.

Maybelin, Farhan & Yvonne: i've already said what i wanted to on your cards! lol. but anyhows, you guys were wonderful CLs, and it was my pleasure working with you guys again. =) Maybelle, it was the love getting to know you better, farhan you know how proud i am of you, and vonne! lol. let's all work tgt to rawk programme please. =)

Sabby, Janice and Iris: Your group is crazy. -.- lol! but i loveeeeee. =D whahahas! it was gre8 getting to know the 3 of you! and thanks so much for having us over for the outing! damncute please g12 (PLs verymuch included) =P lol.

Giddy & Benchow: Rawk. lol they're both seriously damn pro ah. lol! my guy buddies in green. shokeness. =D

Lynette: YOU! lol! thanks for making me look like a ahbenggangster. lol! u took advantage of my tiredness and STILL call me mean please! lol! but it was fun getting to know you la. =) like. finally. -.- aft so long. lol

Amanda & Matthew: TAXI MATES. lol! so much for our breakfast at parkway attempts eh? =P heh. but at least i guess we managed to have ONE breakfast. lol! thanks for helping end my everyday on a high you two. =D

BETSYBONG: =D for keeping me excited, despite EVERYTHING i was battling with.

GREENIES: YES all you rawkers. you guys ARE tprawks. lol! if you get what i mean. =) each and everyone of you rawked tp the 3 days u were there. All the best for the results and i hope you guys make the right choice in the end. =)

Hope i didnt miss anyone out. =P and if i did, you guys know how much i love you right. x)

tomu, out. =)

2007-11-11T17:13:00.000+08:00

FERTORGRAFEEEEEEES (ttz how it's supposed to be spelt, according to Karen herself-.-) FROM KAREN'S FAREWELL ARE UP ON FACEBOOK! MSG ME IF YOU GUYS WANT THE FULL SIZED VERSIONS.

tomu, out!

2007-11-10T16:17:00.000+08:00

fyp is the stress. -.-

lol. sigh~ im behind. and i need to catch up like. ASAP. seeing how i have tprawks for 3days next week, i don't get how im actually gonna hand up my learning contract on friday. PLUS church t-shirt designs! and programme games to think of! lol! shucks got my work cut out for me this time. Been so far away from school for so long i forgot what stress really feels like.

heh. jiayou tomu! -.-

so anw, Planning for the big FOC (freshman orientation camp) and OTC (orientation training camp) has started in full swing. this year's batch of new proggers are somewhat.. how should i saw it.... interesting. lol. =) i guess there's a really good mix of characters and loads of new faces. so! GLs, ppl coming into TP and whoeverelse is comin for camp, watch out coz this year's subcomms are gonna give you a whollleee new experience. =D

lol! hai~ =P so yeah! whoever's reading, if you're not part of FO or OT, you really don't know what ur missing out on. so make sure u join next year's.

ok. back to work.
tomu, out!

--------------------

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across point champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name…

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
Now you're outside me
You see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

It's nothing but time and a face that you lose
I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
I'll write you a postcard
I'll send you the news
From a house down the road from real love…

Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…
Live through this, and you won't look back…

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to say

I'm not sorry there's nothing to say...

Stars - Your ex-lover is dead

2007-11-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

can't believe im back here so fast. -.- lol.

don't think i mentioned it in my previous post, but FYP has started. like.. for real. -.- and it's driving all of us crazy. FYP LEH. the final hurdle! all we've learnt over the past 3 years, put into 15minutes worth of film. it's the project that has the power to like. kill us, or give us a new life. lol! ok, a bit of an exaggeration there, but really, it's close to that in all seriousness. lol. since it's gonna be a four month project, FYP's gonna take up a whole load of credit units (or CUs), which means... it's gonna weigh heavily when it comes to our GPA at the end of it all.

no pressure tom. -.- no pressure.

lol. so, consultations almost everyday with the lecturers for the past week, and for the weeks to come. so far, the stress and worry hasn't really hit me yet (which is a bad thing), which meannnnnnsss... im in deep shit. -.- LOL.

ahwell. i'll get started.

soon. =P

heh. ANYWAY. apart from that's been the usual. it's as if everything's close to back to the way it was. Chicken Cutlet no vegs no beans with cheese lunches in design school, visits to the lounge, classes, more classes. lol. i guess i kinda really missed this life, or more like, the people in it. heh.

it's good to be back. =)

2007-11-01T22:47:00.001+08:00

BAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL. i just love that sound. IM BACK! BACK BACK BACK BACCKKKK!!!!

and you're CRAZY! CRAZEEEEEE! MAD! SIAO! CRAZYBOY(or girl) whahass. coz coz coz. you're actually still reading my blog. -.- lol! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! whahahahahhahahahahahas.

------beep------

ok. sorry. crazyness momentness. it's just that i haven't blogged in like. a millenia. MILLENIA. LOL! THAT'S LIKE ONE THOUSAND YEARS LEH! LOL! ONE THOUSAND LEH!

-----bop------

ok. sorry again. -.- ok im back now and sane. -.- heh. FIRSTLY. sorry sorry sorry. i know i havent blogged in 398679284694 years (more than millenia leh), apologies to those stubborn enough to still continue visiting my21grams. -.- im utterly touched. really. =)

alas! fear not! this page is still very much alive, and kicking alot. =) still can't promise that entries will be back to their normal frequency, but i WILL try my best to update from time to time, despite my crazy crazy schedule (FYP!!!).

so. loads (as in LOADS) happened since my last proper entry. so much so i think i'd be typing till nxt year if i actually talk about every single event. lol! so BASICALLY, i've been MIA (meaning missin in action) for the last three months coz i was working! yep, you heard me right. working. i actually like. decided to quit school and start my career young.

lol.

NO LA. heh. i was on SIP! (which stands for student internship programme for those who don't already know) lol. yep yep. for three months, at this place called shooting gallery. and boy i tell u it was a TOUGH three months (hence the lack of updates). lol. but despite being underpaid, overworked AND underappreciated, we did actually learn alot, and made many many many good friends. i'll let the pictures do the talking. :)

Us with collegues! aft a brilliant bbq and drinking session at matthew's place. (yes i know how horribly embarassing the photo is).

Ho Ngoc Ha! The famous vietnamese singer we shot for a Tohiba ad. =) hawt right. =P

my shot with utt! (notice the *ahem* DAMN DAMN DAMN *ahem* nice set we built in the background) had one with denise too, but underexposed. :(

The intern team! done it all, seen it all, and waddled thru it all. =D (all, is acutally the equivelent of shit in our case) heh. =P

So yeah! ttz it for the internship period. Don't really think the pictures do those 3 crazy months justice, but it's the best i can do for now. :)

other than that, well. was the dengue. i myself got it just a week back, still recovering! but for now i guess im happy to say im loads loads loads better. thanks for the crazy prayers all. =) it's much much many many appreciated. =) and before that? dad, cousin and brother's girlfriend got it. SO GUYS. PLEASE. LISTEN TO THE GOVERNMENT'S PROPAGANDA CAMPAIGNS AND KILL THOSE @()#$*ING MOZZIES. DENGUE KILLS HOR. SO KILL DENGUE. LOL. -.- heh.

AYE! ok then. ttz all i can give you guys for now. :( loads to do with so little time to do it. so, in the famous words or mr. arnold.

i'll be back.

adieu. =)

2007-08-06T01:36:00.000+08:00

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

Wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
Can't get no love without sacrifice
If anything should happen, I guess I wish you well
A little bit of heaven, but a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

2 o'clock in the morning, something's on my mind
Can't get no rest; keep walkin' around
If I pretend that nothin' ever went wrong, I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story that I've ever told
No hope, or love, or glory
Happy endings gone forever more
I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
Then live the rest of our life,
But not together.

A Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love [repeat]

I feel as if I feel as if I'm wastin'
And I'm wastin' everyday

This is the way you left me,
I'm not pretending.
No hope, no love, no glory,
No Happy Ending.
This is the way that we love,
Like it's forever.
To live the rest of our life,
But not together.

happy ending - MIKA

updates soon guys. hang on! :)

2007-07-15T23:54:00.000+08:00

Refrain from anger and turn from wrath: do not fret - it only leads to evil.

Pslams 37:8

God help me.

2007-07-03T02:32:00.000+08:00

hey ya'll.

long time no see. lol. sorry for the lack of updates. =P hasn't been much to blog about of late. lol.
just got back from sub-comm camp! and as usual, i had great fun. =) was a lil detatched tho.

SORRY ALCYON!

lol. got to make new friends and spend time with old ones. =) on the whole? it was worth the weekend. =)

------------------------------------------------

so... yeah. im takin a break from loads of things for awhile. needa sort some things out.
hiatus, some call it.

so! no more bloggin for awhile. lol.
till i get back, be good to you parents. =S heh.

adieu.

/edit
p.s - my watch broke again.

2007-06-17T21:31:00.000+08:00

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y and z.

now i know my abc.

lol. guess what! the last post wasn't really my 100th. -.- ahhas. had a few incomplete drafts here and there, so.. those don't count right? =D

watched fantastic4 and men in white over the weekend. both were pretty entertaining. um. f4(lol) was.. not as nice (to me) as the first, jessica alba had too much makeup on lurh. =P lol! and i kindda like the first plot more. men in white... is not really worth $9.50. but must support local talent! go watch it on a weekday. =) cute storyline and all. heh.

deadline's week next week, so things are probably gonna get a lil' hectic. ahwell. =)

mind over matter.
mind over matter. =)

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand
When I’m blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand

Oceans will part, nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise, glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I’ll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes
To the work of Your hand

Hillsongs - Oceans Will Part

2007-06-12T23:39:00.000+08:00

When there's Nothing left to Burn you have the set Yourself on fire.

Here's a song for my now.

If I am lost for a day; try and find me
But if I don’t come back, then I won’t look behind me
All of the things that I thought were so easy
Just got harder and harder each day
December is the darkest and June is the light but this empty bedroom won’t make anything right
While out on the landing a friend I forgot to send home
Who waits up for me all through the night

Calendar girl whos in love with the world Stay alive
Calendar Girl whos in love with the world Stay alive

I dreamed I was dying; as I so often do
And when I awoke I was sure it was true
I ran to the window; threw my head to the sky
And said whoever is up there,please don’t let me die
But I can’t live forever,I can’t always breath
One day I’ll be sand on a beach by a sea
The pages keep turning, I’ll mark off each day with a cross
And I’ll laugh about all that we’ve lost

Calendar Girl who is lost to the world
Stay Alive
Calendar Girl who is lost to the world Stay Alive
January,February,March,April,May I’m alive
June, July, August, September, October I’m alive
November, December, yah all through the winter, I’m alive
I’m alive

Stars - Calendar Girl

you guys should read the lyrics (if u haven't already). fell in love with stars awhile back. uber unique vocals and songs. Most of them tell stories and all. pretty cool. go check them out if you can. =)

so.. it's my 100th post! heh. over what. a year? maybe. maybe more. doesnt really matter i guess. heh.

im 19, temasek poly. yearthree. graduating in.. what, 10 months? 4 of which go to sip, and another 4 to fyp. which leaves 2months left of normal school life. =S 2 months, after 2 years. 2 years of what has been a wonderful wonderful journey of happytimes that forever changed who i am. a wonderful wonderful journey that's buring to ashes right before my eyes.

im lost lurh. and lost (if u get what i mean -.-) lost many many. lol.

All of the things that I thought were so easy, just got harder and harder each day

need to find my way back. back to God, and back to life. so. whoever's listening. help me out yeah.

try and find me.

2007-06-04T01:05:00.000+08:00

Pass the popiah.

had dinner and so much more with abide2 two days back at Cheryl's place. been quite some time since we got together like that. that night.. is pretty hard to describe. but it was (to me) one night i'll think about for many nights to come.

i think it's pretty safe to say that we all found out more about each other right? and what we did wrong and right for the band. at least now we can look forward to a brighter future. Jeremy, Mark, Cheryl, Karen, John, Michelle, Marcus, this is nothing close to the end. let's continue to strive in our service for the Lord. we'll make are comeback sometime soon. =) from sunday school to splinter to the brotherhood and now abide2, we've been there for each other all this while. so what if we might be going our seperate ways soon? nothing's gonna change. =)
----------------------------------

so.. apart from that night, this week's been pretty (like i said in my last post) ...eventful for other people too. thank God things have settled down. =)

wonka-YAYA outing on saturday! lol. great to see the freshies again. got to get to know them all a lil' better. =) was pretty sick so.. sorraye guys! wasn't in tip-top shape. lol. hope u guys had fun anw, coz im sure i did. heh.

pictures! (more at fiona's)

we're bring sexy back YYEAH! lo. alicia, jas, me, fiona and hansheng. =)

fiona tio-ed bully.

k-po uncle in background. lol

us with our bikes! i like this pic. lol. (right2left) fiona, sabique, hansheng, jaslyn, warren, me, alicia. =)

i finally realise how weird i look when i bowl. -.-

LOL. oh oh. one more thing! my phone's dead. using my mum's now while it's at nokia. soo.... if u sms me, leave ur name k! all ur numbers are in my memory card. :P sorrayee.

keep holding on

2007-06-01T00:32:00.000+08:00

alot's been happening.

seems we've all plunged into that bottomless pit we used to mock. guess i've come to realise the fantasies of forever are nothing but little fairy tales painted to make each other feel that life ain't that cruel.

i was thinking how i'll one day look back at this post and laugh at it with my friends, how we'll think life was simple back then.
but then i stop.
and i think,
will there still be a we?

alot's been happening. outside my life and in it. to friendships and people that are so so dear to me. alot's changed this year, and somehow, i find myself wishing things could go back to the way they were,
back when we were happy.
when we were all happy.

then again, it's more often then not that we're wishing for the past.
people come, and they go. but there are always those that mean so much we just wanna keep holding on.
so..
for you, my dear reader of this extremely badly written emopost.
when u face times like that..

dont bloody let go.

friendship's one thing that doesnt need to reach an end.
we cry, we laugh and we fight. but in the end friends will be friends. right?

-----------------------------

so.. i've been trying desperately to imagine things are still happy. but whenever i sit down to think about it, i realise how much i've loved and lost over the past three years. it's as if... everything i touch turns to dust. of course i'm greatful for those who've stuck with me through it all. but then i look back at all i've lost, at times that i'll never have again, at the.. thing our friendships have become and,

it hurts.

alot.

----------------------------

the one thing that pains me more than that? is seeing other friendships crumble the same ways mine did.
especially 1234bestfriends.
you guys have brought joy and laughter to so so many people. the 4 of you are among the ones who brought brought life and character to SU and lounge, and on top of that, you showed me (and so many other people) what true friendship really is. so. no matter what happenes, that is how i will always always remember bestfriends.

John
Joan
Jeslyn (it feels weird calling you that)
Ben

this song is especially for you guys.

i know. -.- the words coming in and out are.. disturbing. :S lol. but the only other types i could find on youtube are those with stills of avril posing. so.. i chose the lesserweird out of the two. =P heh. but the lyrics are down below anw.

be there for each other k. always and forever. =)
and ever.
LOL.
-.-

----------------------------

You're not alone
together we stand
i'll be by your side
you know i'll take your hand
when it gets cold
and it feels like the end
theres no place to go you know i wont give in
no i wont give in.

Keep holding on
'cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through
just stay strong
cause you know i'm here for you, i'm here for you
theres nothing you can say, nothing you can do
theres no other way when it comes to the truth
so keep holding on
cause you know we'll make it through,
we'll make it through.

So far away i wish you were here
before it's too late this could all disapear
before the doors close, this comes to an end
but with you by my side i will fight a
nd defend i'll fight and defend yeah yeah.

Hear me when i say, when i say
i believe nothings gonna change,
nothings gonna change destiny
what ever is ment to be
will work out perfectly yeah yeah yeah yeah

keep holding on - Avril Lavigne

2007-05-26T23:52:00.000+08:00

So! the week's finally come to an end. =)

elections are over,
another block's done,
freshies and juniors are starting their holidays

andd...

I GOT MY WATCH BACK. MUHAHAHHA.
SHOKE. lol!
watch out world, tom's back. -.-

whahas. so yeah! elections.
firstly and foremostly, i would like to extend a humongousgalolicious gigantic FAT personal thanks to all who voted! =D lol! i must say, with all honesty, i nvr expected my votes to even hit 40, but to those who voted, whether i know you or i dont, i wanna say im uterrly touched by your contribution to a shocking 93votes! =D lol! THANKYOU ALL! X X O O
and for those who didn't vote for me, it's thanks to you guys that this is the first time (in God knows how many years) design managed to acheive so many votes. YYEAH!

compared to two years back (president with 28votes), this year's 115votes for president (congrats caleb) was a huge wham bang alakazam. =D and u guys have no idea how happy we are about the supportive response.

and for that? DSC promises to make the next AY a crazyshit fun one for all you designers. WOHOO! all we need is your continued support. =) lol!

go go fight fight
gee, i hope i look alright

okthnxbye.

=D

2007-05-23T23:40:00.003+08:00

LAST DAY OF ELECTIONS IS TOMORROW! (24TH MAY)

PLEASE! VOTE! LOL

EVEN IF YOU DON'T KNOW ANYONE RUNNING, JUST SPAM AND ANYHOW CLICK. YAY. =D

LOL BUT SINCE YOU'RE GOING TO VOTE ANYWAY, VOTE FOR JOHN!

AND TOM!

YYEAHHH!

OK.

THNX!

LUB EUU

MANY

MANY. =D

2007-05-23T23:34:00.000+08:00

we were all happy once

right?

2007-05-21T01:05:00.000+08:00

♥ commit this to memory ♥

“As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt, because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.”

Ripped that from adeline's blog (hope she doesn't mind =P), its fast becoming one of my favouratest blogs to read. Go check it out! =) its the kindda entries that make me ask myself what the hell i've been doing with my life. -.- i like. lol. so adeline! if ur reading this, u've got a fan in me. LOL

get it? fan? friend? err. ha ha. -.-

=D LOL. ok. so yeah. it might be just me. but it seems like May's another one of those emo months, and this time im actually facing the danger of being dragged down with the rest by it (dowan please). heh. so anw. i've been reflecting (along with many people =P) about what im doing now, and what i should've (or shouldn't) have done over the last 2 years in poly. and then i came across that lil' passage up there.

AND THEN, i read the rest of ms. adeline's entry.. here's how it ended:

Anyway, with all of my failings You love me. (but I’m still afraid of school) Hmm there IS one thing I CAN do! When the going gets tough, and I feel like I can’t go on, I can still smile. I guess that’s something to be proud of.
Sincerely, Me.

i can still smile. don't know if its perfect sense to you as much as it is to me, but it really wow-ed me. lol.

so what if the world's against you? we all are at liberty (like everything else in our lives) to make the choice of smiling or sulking.

i know i've made my choice. which would you choose?

2007-05-18T00:18:00.000+08:00

OMG OMG! YESARH.

lol.

blogger's working again. =) heh. strange how attatched i've gotten to my21grams. same time last year i thought bloggers were losers. -.-

ahwell. =P

so guess what! im running for dsc (design studies club). and i want to get in. -.- SO VOTE FOR ME OKAY. lol! elections are from 22-24th May at the cyber centre (which is nxt to mensa canteen), so head down there to lend me your support k! lol.

oh oh! and while ur at it, vote for my cousin too. =) John Seah under the TPSU section. =D help the cousins seah make TP life better for you. heh.

2007-05-16T02:12:00.000+08:00

blogger's still down for me. -.-

pfft.

works in school tho. but not at home.. ugh. so expect short posts for some time to come. no sign that it's gonna get back to normal anytime soon. damn sian. -.- lol.

Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now Im only falling apart
Nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now theres only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart

Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of The Heart

havent heard that one in damnnnnn long lurhs. but DAMN nice. crazy lyrics eh? i like. =)

peace out. (acting cool all sial) LOL.

2007-05-10T14:29:00.000+08:00

The train drags and rumbles its way through the grey-stone towers of South East London into the shabby suburbia, hauling a mixed load of humanity, grime and graffiti tags.

The girl is slumped, smaller than herself, in the corner of the carriage, back to the direction of travel. Dark blue seats patterned with cigarette burns and burger stains. It is a wet dog dirty November evening, greasy drizzle on a greasy window with the words: in case of emergency – break here. She is completely alone; too late for the evening rush of businessmen flocking exhausted back to their executive boxes, too early for the late night clubbers desperately seeking that early Christmas party high, still more than a month away.

She is pretty in a brittle, late-teen way. She wore cheap clothes; denim skirt too short, a simple tank-top and her hair a tangle of colours, raked into place by a shocking pink clip and yellow stained fingers. She wears the very latest in fake fashion shoes, but the heels are scuffed and the tight lacing cuts into her calf like the net around a Christmas turkey. Beside her, nestled in a burn crater, duty free cigarettes and a pink lighter that nearly matches her hair clip. Her mobile is silent, battery exhausted on the lunchtime train from Bath to London. The carriage smells of perspiration, mixed with stale burger wrap and damp upholstery.

The girl drifts in and out of day sleep, hugs her thin arms around her body, half smiles and remembers.

A soft, west-country sky and endless summer, skipping school with Beth and Sal for a quiet smoke, and later, the fearful smell of the school auditorium, cleaning fluid, deodorant, anticipation and underneath a nagging feeling that it was all too late. GCSE exams, boring but was what she worked for most of her interrupted teenage study, but who cared anyhow?

Graduation day and she was early for the first time in three years. Later, a mix of euphoria, friends’ kisses and tears, all spiced with cheap cider. Underneath the smiling faces a sense of something lost and gone forever, she walked home alone that day through silent streets perfumed with hot tar and dog dirt.

Her mother was out, micro pizza, chips, and a letter from Bob offering her a room and a job in his brother’s pub in Kent. Miles away, where he had drifted when Mother had grown bored with him.

The girl had always liked Bob - lazy, kind, rat thin with wild hair thinning on top. Never without his evening can of beer, newspaper and snubbed cigarette. He was her favourite by far when she remembered the catalogue of ‘uncles’ who had populated her childhood. With all the wisdom of near 17 years, she knew that a happy, sleepy drunk was far preferable to the other variations on that particular theme.

The evening bartender’s job in the Rugby Club had been the envy of her friends, the recently widowed owner had approached the girl as she helped her mother clean the bar room carpet on a weekend job. Long past forty, rich and loud, Mrs Davies wore a heavy spray on her tanned skin and a tight, low-buttoned blouse that kept her assets transfixed. She had a villa in Spain and lived in the large house her recently dead husband had built next to the park. The girl had liked Mrs Davies, at least at first she had.

The job was easy and the confident, affluent, the public school boys who frequented the bar after training were so very different from the pale, quiet boys she and her friends had kissed in the park, as the light grew dim. It was in the bar that she had met the boy. He was tall and blonde with faded jeans, tattered cap and casually upturned collars on his rugby shirt; Self-confident, but kind and friendly, staying in the flat above the bar for the summer whilst his father worked in South Africa. He helped to collect glasses, outrageously flirting with a smiling Mrs Davies and happy to talk to the girl, listening to her chatter as she washed up at the end of her shift.

‘King’s Cross, this is King’s Cross.’

The train, which had stopped, jolts back to life. The girl starts, for a moment a frightened child first day at school, and then the armour-plated scowl returns. A short, stubby man in a dark, banker blue suit moved slowly down the carriage, swaying like a drunkard with the combined effect of the train’s motion and an expense account lunch. Ruddy faced, he looks the girl from head to toe and then back again, dwelling on legs and teenage cleavage.

He grimaces and his face broadcasts an odd mix of lust and contempt, he thinks he knows her type, another plastic girl willing to take his folded notes and dance in city bars whilst he and his colleagues smirk, leer and disapprove. She scowls in return, her face hard with dark eyes unwavering. And suddenly, a revelation dawns on her; the boy’s father would be much like this man, and the boy too had been destined to tread the same path, that was, before he sold his soul.

Not for the first time she caught her breath, surprised and self-angry as she felt sorrow for the boy. Remembering the last time she had seen him, head down so as to avoid her stare as he crossed the street, smaller, older and with the look of a cornered animal.

The hateful banker lurched on, sweaty forehead, heart attack already booked and paid for in the currency of rich food and too much wine. In his wallet, tight against his chest, pretty auburn wife and studious, prep school daughters smile for the camera.

The girl drifted back to the summer and, as she knew it would, her daydream locked on its tracks like the train she sat in, moving slowly towards the tunnel, into the darkness.

The bar had been quiet that night, first team away on tour and Mrs Davies, preoccupied with the day’s returns, had turned a blind eye as the girl had bent the rules. She sat on the stool, on the public side of the bar, knee to knee with the boy.

Later, the two pints of cider he had bought reignited that last day at school feeling, brittle, alive but with an underlying and unexplained sadness and something lost. The boy had seemed like a good friend to have, and her raised heartbeat told maybe something more. A drive in his father’s new car was just a taste of the pop idol life she dreamed about as she wasted rainy afternoons in front of the television.

The smell was intoxicating, not the minicab odour she associated with cars but leather, money and something more, perhaps excitement. The night was warm, insects buzzing in the darkness and the old park seemed to close in around them in a way that was neutral, neither friendly nor hostile, just there. Afterwards, it worried the girl that she was never able to exactly pinpoint the moment where harmless fun turned to uncertainty, then fear, pain, force and shame. As he left her as a violated and shattered wanderer, it may have been the first clap of late summer thunder that made her shiver, but it was the sound of sirens that she felt she was saved by.

The policewoman was kind by training, but the way she looked at the girl, her muddled hair, multi-pierced lobes and tear smudged make-up; the way she raised an eyebrow when the girl gave her suburban estate address, told another story.

‘Are you absolutely sure?’

’Can we go through this one more time?’

’Had he taken anything?’

Hours passed. It was all whitewashed walls, stewed tea and hard plastic seats. A background of pain and noise, crying and angry shouting pooled with plastic words of consolation and always a smell of disinfectant, vomit and resentment. After some time, her mother arrived, flustered, part angry, part sad. Alternately, shouting, weeping, with shaking hands lighting cigarettes, stubbing them out un-smoked, then lighting another. In the end her mother had taken the girls chin in her hand. Not hard, but firm, her eyes now clear and voice steady and quiet in a sad way.

‘Shut it away girl’ she had commanded. ‘They don’t lock up the likes of him, for the likes of you and me.’

She remembered the Sergeant clearly, tall and thin. He looked like Bob but without the puppy kind eyes. He would not sit, pacing the small room as he spoke at her, never meeting her eye. He was clear and precise in his speech but she remembered only the threat as he half whispered ‘the offence of false accusation’.

The room had seemed even smaller then, scurfy walls moving in whenever she took her gaze away from them. The sergeant had explained, slowly, like her cousin’s remedial teacher. The man she had accused had a perfect alibi. It was corroborated - that meant backed-up he explained, without waiting for her to ask, ‘by a respectable bar owner who had testified that the boy had spent the entire evening and night with her.’ There was no case and the girl was free to leave.

Confused, crushing up the card from Victim Support, the girl had left the police station alone, her mother having caught an earlier bus into town with another office to clean. She walked slowly to the bus stop, staring intently at the patch of pavement ahead of her. Last night’s storm had left not freshness, but grey yellow cloud and a feeling that the warmth of her summer was long past. Spots of rain flattened her hair and the big grey Mercedes burbled past splashing dirty water onto her bare legs.

‘Canterbury, this is Canterbury. This train terminates here.’

The announcer’s voice breaks through to the girl, shakes here back to here and now. The door hisses, opens, as a sole passenger walks off the train, trying to minimise his time with the musky mood on the train.
The girl collects her belongings, fake Gucci handbag with taped up handles, cigarettes and silent mobile phone. She stands up, shakes herself taller and left hand pulling a tatty piece of paper from her inside pocket, she smiles to herself as she re-reads the letter. Bob’s untidy words conjure up his face, and the map of the route to his pub is clear. The bar job will be her new start, away from the boy, Mrs Davies and from the past.

The girl jumps from the train, clicking heels in time with her clicking lighter. Head held high she shakes her hair, pulls her jacket tighter and walks into the mist.

-----------

brr. emo. -.-

heh. cant' believe u actually read through the whole thing. =S was searching through my comp and happened to come across it.

uber nostalgic. lol.

kindda miss those days.

2007-05-09T23:50:00.000+08:00

UGH. big problem with my blogger account. no idea why. -.- damn sian. lol.

okthnxbye.

2007-05-03T00:18:00.000+08:00

betsy.

who is also known as jessybessy

but is really Jeslyn Tien

is an angel.

ok wait. Betsy confirm cuter. LOL. =D

thanks for the suprise mms you. RAWKS PLEASE. heh. =)

but yeah, if you dont already know her, get to know her please. -.- you'll find it hard to be emo (it means down, i think -.-) with a friend like her around. =) heh,

lol. yup! so...

today wasn't really that good. -.- think im losing my footing in life and all. ah well. hope it all gets better again. really greatful there's betsy to cheer me up. =)

------------------------

had a shoot at the national cancer centre, where we interviewed a cancer patient. and i tell you. she was one helluva inspiration. she's a mother of three kids (all below 10) and suffered from cancer several years ago, yet there she was; more bubbly and bright than us three 19yearolds. marvel i tell you. a m a z i n g.

it got me thinking, if a bald woman who has been through what she has been through can be so positive about life, then (excuse the language) WHAT THE HELL are we doing? i mean like. seriously. wassup with us. -.-

hardly anything we go through can be as negative as what she did right? so.. be happy guys. HAPPY. =D lol. we got our whole lives left to live. =)

oh ya! one more thing. my "archives" link is finally up. -.- thanks caleb for helping. =)

2007-04-29T12:41:00.000+08:00

haro haro.

so we're all back to school now. i know i didnt stop school (technically) but somehow, the sudden change from camp to submission week is taking abit of a toll on me.

need to get a hold of myself. again. =)

so.. since camp's ended..

i've.. finished acting final assignment with abby (which went okay i think),

sorta pitched our final idea for TVprog to Gail and the class,

got sick (still am) -.-

broke my watch,

broke my specs,

got new new specs,

lost 2weeks of footage for our national cancer centre shoot,

started re-shooting,

had prog dinner! (which rawked, as usual)

had an unusually emo friday night with john and caleb after lan (caleb lost his shoes and we all got caught in the rain -.-)

andd... got to spend time with DOC freshies! lol.

that's pretty much it. one retardedly extreme combo of highs and lows. lol! but yeah. thank God theres God looking out for me. =) heh. and of course betsy, who always makes me feel like the day was worth it after all. lol! and caleb, for being my punching bag. heh.

so! sentosa trip! rawked socks. think im like a walking jinx tho. i figure i must've been born or friday the 13th or smth. -.- ah well. will elaborate later. lol.

PICS!

Hong Kong Mafia please. dont mess with us. our eyes bigger.

lol! our grand entrace. =D cool gals with cool shades. (from left to right) Jaslyn, Alicia and Amaris.

Spot the difference!

it's the bandage la. lol. Poor Amaris lost her toenail. -.- we were both kicking the same ball when it went *poof*! must've hurt like hell, could see the skin half out and all the blood everything, but she's an ubber subber strong girl. =) still played frisbee and trasformers all after that. lol. rawks. =D

LOL! (left to right) Alicia being all cutsie and all with her fav seal, caleb dressing up as.. something. =S and Amaris! with shades bigger than her face. heh heh.

the pictures speak for themselves. =D had great fun guys. thanks! =)